{"id":39348,"date":"2017-04-29T22:16:19","date_gmt":"2017-04-30T02:16:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39348"},"modified":"2017-04-29T22:25:41","modified_gmt":"2017-04-30T02:25:41","slug":"limerick-off-award-276","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/04\/29\/limerick-off-award-276\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (276)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BOB KILLIAN,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

POST NO BILLS was the sign I found queer;
\nI was mailing no beaks, that was clear.
\nSaid the cop, \u201cUnderstand,
\nIt\u2019s your gluepot that\u2019s banned,
\nThis here ad\u2019s what you cannot add here.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Temptation-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe casino,\u201d she said, \u201cwill be fun;
\nI could just play one round and be done\u2026\u201d
\nAnd she won \u2014 thirty grand! \u2014
\nBut lost all, the next hand.
\nThat\u2019s temptation. You can\u2019t stop at \u201cwon.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

On a tour of St. Peter\u2019s in Rome,
\nVan Gogh told the guide in the Dome:
\n\u201cRoman friend, I can\u2019t hear;
\nCould you lend me your ear?
\nI seem to have left mine at home.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Judith H. Block,<\/a> Tim James, David Reddekopp<\/a>, Dave Johnson, Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Brian Allgar, Ryan Tilley,<\/a> Jesse Frankovich, Richard Campbell,<\/a> Byron Ives, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cHEAR\/HERE\/ADHERE\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TEMPTATION LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

With a wink and a smile, he said “Dear,
\nDon’t be nervous, come on over here.”
\nHe was one of those guys
\nGals avoid if they’re wise,
\n\u2019Cause that sweet smile was really a leer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Judith H. Block: <\/p>\n

There once was a guy without peer,
\nWho drove his gal wild, so I hear.
\nWith his tongue, very skilled,
\nAll her needs were fulfilled.
\nAnd I don’t mean he tickled her ear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“HEAR\/HERE\/ADHERE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s a lim\u2019rick?\u201d I asked, not quite clear
\nOn the form or its rules. \u2019Twould appear
\nIt\u2019s a verse of five lines
\nWrought by dark, twisted minds \u2014
\nWhich I’ve gathered by hanging out here.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

A healer I saw on TV
\nCould heal by a simple decree.
\nHe\u2019s a man without peer,
\nHe would make the blind hear,
\nAnd would also cause deaf men to see.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson’s “FOX News internal memo”<\/p>\n

You ladies have nothing to fear;
\nO\u2019Reilly is no longer here.
\nNow Roger and Bill
\nHave been fired, but still \u2013
\nLooking sexy will help your career.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

He stared at the sign. YOU ARE HERE,
\nSaid the map.
\n            Then he started in fear,
\nAs the words by the dot
\nChanged to: NO, YOU ARE NOT.
\nNot a soul saw the man disappear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

This cling film* is useless, I fear.
\nIt will stick to itself, that is clear;
\nTo my fingers it\u2019s glued,
\nBut to plates full of food
\nThe stuff simply will not adhere.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

*British term for plastic wrap<\/p>\n

Ryan Tilley:<\/p>\n

My Alexa is finally here.
\nShe can answer my questions with cheer,
\nAnd her limericks bite
\nWith a meter that\u2019s tight,
\nBut I use her to order a beer!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jesse Frankovich:<\/p>\n

Richard’s doctor, quite shocked, said, “Oh, dear!
\nThere’s a burrowing rodent in here!
\nAnd to make matters worse,
\nIt won’t move in reverse.
\nSeems the gerbil is stuck in this Gere.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Being president\u2019s hard, it\u2019s now clear,
\nAnd Trump yearns for his former career.
\nOur Dear Leader\u2019s a mope.
\nBut at least there\u2019s some hope:
\nAfter one hundred days … we\u2019re still here.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TEMPTATION LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

\u201cEat this apple,\u201d encouraged the Snake;
\n\u201cIt\u2019s a boring Commandment to break,
\nBut believe me, my dears \u2014
\nIn a few thousand years,
\nYou\u2019ll be sinning with chocolate cake!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

St. Augustine started to pray
\nWhen he saw a fine babe on display.
\n\u201cFornication\u2019s a sin;
\nBut that bod, for the win!
\nMake me chaste, Lord \u2014 just, please, not today.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Richard Campbell:<\/p>\n

Her assets were clearly defined,
\nAnd to miss them I\u2019d have to be blind.
\n\u201cCould I tempt you, my pet?
\nA night NOT to forget?”
\nThe Mace was a clue she\u2019d declined.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

I want to — but really, I shouldn’t.
\nI oughtn’t. Believe me, I wouldn’t.
\nI mustn’t. I can’t;
\nNo, I certainly shan’t…
\n(I just did it).<\/em> How could I? I couldn’t.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Ives:<\/p>\n

She flashed ample cleavage to Keith,
\nAnd he longed for what beckoned beneath.
\nThen a look from his wife
\nConvinced him that life
\nWould remain much more pleasant with teeth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

There once was a quiet young birder,
\nWho snapped and she shot and they heard her;
\nFrom her head to her toes
\nCame the pecking of crows.
\nShe should not have, uh, tempted a murder.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson<\/p>\n

A rancher\u2019s hot daughter from Brewster
\nWas swayed when a cowboy seduced her.
\nThey rolled in the hay,
\nThen he went on his way;
\nThe only cock left was a rooster.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Please don’t leadeth me into temptation.
\nI can findeth it, don’t need salvation.
\nI’ve been given false hope
\nFrom the priest to the pope
\nFor as long as they grope God’s creation.<\/p>\n

So I think I can cope with “damnation”
\nJust for living a life of elation.
\nSince the days of my youth
\nI have searched, found the truth
\nWith the fire of a sleuth’s dedication.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BOB KILLIAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: POST NO BILLS was the sign I found queer; I was mailing no beaks, that was clear. Said the cop, \u201cUnderstand, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5064,4003,3971,4465,4525,4635,3570,5009,5018,4658,5046,5065,5052,4533,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39348"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39348"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39348\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39389,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39348\/revisions\/39389"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39348"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39348"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39348"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}