{"id":39174,"date":"2017-03-18T23:34:25","date_gmt":"2017-03-19T03:34:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39174"},"modified":"2017-03-18T23:51:15","modified_gmt":"2017-03-19T03:51:15","slug":"limerick-off-award-273","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/03\/18\/limerick-off-award-273\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (273)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick, which is both a “Bust” limerick and a Confusion-themed limerick. Brian calls it Donald\u2019s Dilemma:<\/p>\n

“It\u2019s confusing when driven by lust,
\nAnd choosing just leaves me non-plussed.
\nIs it tits I should hold,
\nOr go straight for the gold?
\nMy dilemma – Grab pussy, or bust.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Confusion-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

March 11th, when going to bed,
\nDo I set the clock back, or ahead?
\nIt\u2019s confusing as hell \u2014
\nBut I\u2019ve solved it quite well:
\nThrow the clock out the window instead!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for her limerick saga, which received the most Facebook “likes.” (Suzanne swears it’s a true story.)<\/p>\n

When my sister (the eldest) was born,
\nFrom the birth my poor mother was worn.
\nDoctor spanked the babe’s bum,
\nChecked her health, and then some—
\nGot returned to her mum the same morn.<\/p>\n

When she lifted the blanket to feed her,
\nThe feelings of shock did stampede her;
\nA boy was inside!
\nMy poor mum almost died,
\nAs the nurses had tried to mislead her.<\/p>\n

The confusion and screams that would follow
\nWere much more than the woman could swallow.
\nThe real babe they did bring
\nTo which Momma did cling,
\nTheir apologies ringing quite hollow.<\/p>\n

Well, my mum and the nurses conversed,
\nThen in laughter together immersed;
\nAny punishment draped
\nOn the nurses escaped
\n\u2019Cause that day – it was April the first!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz,<\/a> Tim James, David Reddekopp, Sharon Neeman, Ken Gosse, Suzanne Heymann, Brian Allgar, Mike Moulton,<\/a> Sue Dulley, Kathleen Bartoletti, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BUST-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CONFUSION-Themed LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

Two teens, so confused by their lust,
\nFeel desire where once was disgust.
\nTheir organs a-tingle,
\nThey meld and they mingle.
\n(It started when she grew a bust.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BUST\/BUSSED\/ROBUST” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

The stripper believed it unjust
\nThat her gin joint was raided. It must
\nHave been something to see:
\nShe\u2019s a 42-D,
\nAnd the cops thought it quite a good bust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

His regime fills us all with disgust,
\nAnd when we resist, as we must,
\nThen Trump\u2019s all a-twitter;
\nHe\u2019s boorish and bitter.
\nThat blowhard\u2019s about to combust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

Oh I\u2019m terribly piqued and upset!
\nWe were shopping, and I asked Jeannette,
\n\u201cDoes this flatter my bust?\u201d
\nShe replied with disgust,
\n\u201cWell… flatter, it just couldn\u2019t get.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse:<\/p>\n

Such a robust bust had to be bussed.
\nLong before she arrived it was thrust
\nLike the bow of a ship
\nOn a very long trip;
\nWith Leviathan ribs it was trussed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

At a pool, where the D-cups are brimmin’,
\nThe men cannot focus on swimmin’.
\nAs they ogle each bust,
\nSomething grows and they lust
\nBehind speedos, disgusting the women.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The hooker was very robust,
\nAnd would bonk them with thrust after thrust.
\nThen, with knot-maker\u2019s science,
\nShe\u2019d tie up her clients
\nAnd rob them. Her street-name? \u201cMiss Trussed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton:<\/p>\n

Said Pence, \u201cThe assertion\u2019s a bust
\nThat a wall on the border\u2019s a must.
\nAny wall that we phase-in
\nWill keep all the gays in,
\nWhich is something we haven\u2019t discussed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

In my mother’s youth, life was unjust.
\nThree measurements, hips, waist and bust
\nWere called Vital Statistics;
\nThese characteristics
\nCould generate lust or disgust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kathleen Bartoletti: <\/p>\n

“He cried, “I must fondle your bust!”
\nShe replied, “if you must, then you must.”
\nAs he reached out, expectant,
\nShe sprayed disinfectant.
\nHe fled, both in pain and disgust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CONFUSION-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

His fans have a weird sense of mirth;
\nThey cheer as he slashes their worth.
\nConfusing? Try this:
\nIf ign’rance is bliss,
\nThey\u2019re the happiest people on earth.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James, for his “Wire Tapp Crapp”<\/p>\n

There was never much doubt. Now we\u2019re sure
\nKellyanne and Sean\u2019s motives are pure.
\nTheir prime occupation:
\nComplete obfuscation.
\nIt\u2019s years since I\u2019ve seen such manure.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Having met in a line at the store,
\nThey went up to her place for some more.
\nThe night was sublime
\nTill that moment in time
\nWhen he asked, \u201cHave I been here before?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis:<\/p>\n

An Irishman people called Mick
\nWas really incredibly thick,
\nAnd confused most of all
\nBy three spades \u2019gainst a wall,
\nWhen they told him to go take his pick.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Ives:<\/p>\n

If you vow you won\u2019t cuss, did you swear?
\nTwo Bartletts, are they not a pair?
\nIf your pants become torn
\nIs it \u2019cause they\u2019re well worn?
\nIf the bus costs you more is it fare?<\/p>\n

Is an athlete from France called a jacques?
\nIs a fly without wings called a walk?
\nIf, with no arms, you\u2019re born,
\nWould you still enjoy porn?
\nIs a tube filled with gooey stuff, caulk?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick, which is both a “Bust” limerick and a Confusion-themed limerick. Brian calls it Donald\u2019s Dilemma: “It\u2019s confusing when driven by lust, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,3971,4465,4525,2747,3523,4849,4842,5009,5018,3621,5052,3369,4533,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39174"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39174"}],"version-history":[{"count":38,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39224,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39174\/revisions\/39224"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}