{"id":39118,"date":"2017-03-05T00:07:53","date_gmt":"2017-03-05T04:07:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39118"},"modified":"2017-03-05T00:16:23","modified_gmt":"2017-03-05T04:16:23","slug":"limerick-off-award-272","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/03\/05\/limerick-off-award-272\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (272)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

When the cruise liner started to list
\nThe cook had a mishap. The gist:
\nHe fell right on a knife.
\nIt was quite late in life
\nFor a man to be suddenly brissed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Special LAZINESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy vehicle license expired,\u201d
\nSaid the biker. \u201cIt\u2019s just not desired.
\nI could have renewed it.
\nBy choice, I eschewed it.
\nToo lazy? No, simply two-tired.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

Now, what should I do with my time?
\nTo waste it would be such a crime.
\nThough Everest tempts me,
\nMy nature exempts me \u2013
\nI just can\u2019t be bothered to climb.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Sharon Neeman, and Will T. Laughlin.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LIST\/ENLIST” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

When I think of the dates I have missed,
\nAll those things left undone, I insist
\nI must write them all down,
\nBut I stop with a frown
\nWhen I reach \u201cNumber 1: make a list.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

The Italian man reads from a list
\nOf women he’s pleased to have kissed:
\n“I married a few
\nAnd divorced all but two.
\nMy brain’s in a fog (big-a mist).”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Some management suck-ups insist
\nOn a method to move up the list.
\nThey\u2019re climbing the charts
\nBy clinging to parts
\nOf executive asses they kissed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

A man who had once made a list
\nOf all of the girls he has kissed
\nHad now, as his aim
\nTo ignite an old flame;
\nHe was going to try for a tryst.<\/p>\n

His advances were quickly dismissed;
\nWhen he asked them, they only got pissed.
\nAnd now he is lonely;
\nIt\u2019s him and him only
\nAnd all he has left is his wrist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LAZINESS LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

No computer for Conrad; instead,
\nHe did staggering sums in his head!
\nAll were shocked at the ease \u2014
\nTill one teacher snapped \u201cHe\u2019s
\nJust too lazy to get out of bed.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Procrastinate? Me? Heavens, no \u2014
\nAlthough I\u2019m infernally slow,
\nThe word for my wait
\nShould be \u201cAm-crastinate\u201d
\n(I\u2019m too lazy to ever go Pro).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure that this lim\u2019s gonna win,
\nAs certain as I\u2019ve ever been.
\nCould it lose? I\u2019d say never;
\nIt\u2019s ever so clever.
\nExcept I\u2019m too lazy to fin.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

To my clock as I set it to \u201cSnooze\u201d
\n(Never quite for as long as I\u2019d choose):
\n\u201cI\u2019m not lazy, you pest;
\nI am effing depressed;
\nSo would you be, if you read the news!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

They told me \u201cYou should write a sonnet;
\nProper poets have all undergone it.\u201d
\nFourteen lines? Are you crazy?
\nNo way, I\u2019m too lazy.
\nNow, limericks \u2013 five lines, I\u2019m on it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

In my cubicle, everything\u2019s fine;
\nThe chair is all set to recline.
\nThis morning\u2019s been tough
\nAnd I\u2019ve just had enough;
\nIt\u2019s already a quarter to nine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Sure, I\u2019m fond of that yellowing Note
\nOur political ancestors wrote;
\nAnd good schools. And clean air.
\nAnd a system that\u2019s fair.
\nBut I just can\u2019t be bothered to vote.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s that? Did you call me a jerk,
\nAnd say that my duty I shirk?
\nThat I loaf? I malinger?
\nI\u2019d give you the finger,
\nIf lifting it wasn\u2019t such work.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: When the cruise liner started to list The cook had a mishap. The gist: He fell right on a knife. It […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,3523,5009,5018,5052,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39118"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39118"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39118\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39170,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39118\/revisions\/39170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}