{"id":39084,"date":"2017-02-19T02:19:26","date_gmt":"2017-02-19T06:19:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=39084"},"modified":"2017-02-19T02:57:34","modified_gmt":"2017-02-19T06:57:34","slug":"limerick-off-award-271","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2017\/02\/19\/limerick-off-award-271\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (271)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a fellow I met in the street
\nWhose phrasebook\u2019s a tad incomplete.
\nWhen he comes up to greet you
\nAnd say, \u201cPleased to meet you\u2026\u201d
\nIt comes out: \u201cI pleasure your meat!\u201d<\/p>\n

I tried to correct the man \u2014 twice \u2014
\nBut he just wouldn\u2019t heed my advice.
\n\u201cPLEASED. TO. MEET. YOU.\u201d I said;
\nHe just nodded his head,
\nAnd continued: \u201cYour meat, it is nice!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Battle of the Sexes-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

They met at the Amazon store;
\nExcited, she opted for more.
\nBut later that night
\nAs she reached for the light,
\nAlexa yelled “Show him the door!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

His guests felt the welcoming heat
\nOf the barbecue. \u201cWhat will we eat?
\n\u201cKebabs!\u201d Vlad would jest
\nWhile impaling each guest,
\nFor they were supplying the meat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Reddekopp, Richard Campbell,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Michael Moulton, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Suzanne Heymann, and Sharon Neeman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: MEAT\/MEET\/METE RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BATTLE of the SEXES LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

A father was trying to cheat,
\nSo his wife had some justice to mete.
\nThe next day, the news read,
\n\u201cDeadbeat Dad is Beat Dead.\u201d
\nFor her crime, an electrified seat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Richard Campbell:<\/p>\n

On 2\/10, if we happen to meet,
\nAnd I find you both sexy and sweet,
\nI\u2019ll not call right away,
\nSo I don\u2019t have to pay
\nFor a big-ticket Valentine\u2019s treat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A butcher named Bud thinks he\u2019s neat;
\nThat women just fall at his feet.
\nBut he found out from Jill
\nThat without his blue pill,
\nThere\u2019s no market for Bud\u2019s boneless meat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MEAT\/MEET\/METE RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

At a long-distance runners retreat,
\nThey discussed how to win every meet.
\nFinish first (Boy, oh Boy!)\u2013
\nThat\u2019s victorious joy.
\nIf you\u2019re last, there\u2019s the pain of de-feet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mike Moulton: <\/p>\n

Did Trump and his match finally meet
\nWhen a judge without missing a beat,
\nSaid, \u201cYour ban is now void.
\nIf that leaves you annoyed,
\nThen knock yourself out with a tweet.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar, in which Titus Andronicus invites the Empress Tamora to dinner:<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t resist, though my diet forbids,\u201d
\nSaid Tamora, \u201cthose puff-pastry lids,
\nAnd your pies are so sweet,
\nWith such fresh, tender meat . . .\u201d
\nHe explained they contained her own kids.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

A lass with a smile oh so sweet
\nSold her “wares” to each guy that she’d meet.
\nBut her efforts soon failed
\nAnd she found herself jailed.
\nNever mess with a cop on the beat!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

The grocery chain called to greet
\nThe new meat vendor, just down the street.
\nNow the payment’s complete
\nPer the butcher’s receipt,
\nSo he’ll mete out the meat when they meet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

The President said in a tweet
\n\u201cWhen Vladimir comes for a meet,
\nFlynn and I will be gushin\u2019.
\nWe love all things Russian
\nLike borscht, whether cabbage or beet.\u201d<\/p>\n

That story\u2019s, of course, incomplete.
\nFlynn\u2019s now gone from his comfortable seat,
\nAnd Spicer, that worm,
\nHas to spin it and squirm
\nWhile the press holds his feet to the heat.<\/p>\n

I wish I could say this is sweet,
\nBut revenge is not always a treat.
\nThere\u2019s no joy, I confess,
\nWhen our country\u2019s a mess.
\nWe\u2019re living the pain of defeat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BATTLE of the SEXES LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Richard Campbell:<\/p>\n

On Twitter, he’d woo and he’d ply \u2019er
\nWith promises \u2014 things he would buy \u2019er.
\nBut now that they’ve met,
\nShe’s beset with regret.
\nIt\u2019s quite clear he\u2019s a lecherous liar!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

While texting an amorous friend,
\nShe shouldn\u2019t have quickly hit \u201csend.\u201d
\nBecause autofill wrote
\nThat he looked like a goat
\nWhich, alas, may have started the end.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sharon Neeman:<\/p>\n

She may well have invented the spark
\nThat woke the world out of the dark,
\nBut although she\u2019s gone far,
\nMen still look at her car
\nAnd assume she can\u2019t parallel park.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

A couple quite often would fight
\nIn the morning, or later at night.
\nWith no cuddles or pecks,
\nThe one mention of sex:
\n\u201cScrew you\u201d as she turned out the light.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Will T. Laughlin: There\u2019s a fellow I met in the street Whose phrasebook\u2019s a tad incomplete. When he comes up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4525,3523,5009,5018,4658,3621,5046,5052,4533,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39084"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39084"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39084\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39116,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39084\/revisions\/39116"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39084"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39084"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39084"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}