{"id":38848,"date":"2016-12-10T23:03:39","date_gmt":"2016-12-11T03:03:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=38848"},"modified":"2016-12-10T23:29:26","modified_gmt":"2016-12-11T03:29:26","slug":"limerick-off-award-266","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/12\/10\/limerick-off-award-266\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (266)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I know you\u2019ve been naughty, not nice,
\nBy indulging your energy vice.
\nMy traditional role
\nIs to leave you some coal,
\nBut you\u2019d burn it and there goes the ice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SHOPPING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

On Black Friday they heeded the call
\nTo Go Buy! They jammed in, wall-to-wall.
\nTrampling, mayhem and fights
\nAre the ample delights
\nOf tradition: The Great Shopping Maul.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Brian Allgar, Suzanne Heymann, Jeanine Silverio,<\/a> Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, Wendy Playter, Linda Ann Nickerson,<\/a> and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“ICE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
\nBut they carry a very high price.
\nFunding\u2019s frozen and they
\nSay expect a delay,
\nSo the architect’s put it on ice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

An Eskimo asked, “What advice
\nWould you give me to help me entice
\nA woman in Gnome
\nTo come into my home?”
\nI said, “You must first break the ice.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

If your wife asks for helpful advice
\nAbout jeans she\u2019s just purchased, think twice.
\n\u201cDo they make me look fat?\u201d
\n\u201cOnly slightly.\u201d Then, splat!
\nNow I\u2019m soothing my eye with some ice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

I once had a head full of lice,
\nAnd a friend said, “Just freeze ’em with ice.
\nSimply stick your whole head
\nOn the Knik River bed.”
\nNow I’m buried and dead. (Great advice!)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jeanine Jamero Silverio: <\/p>\n

For you couples all looking to spice
\nUp your love life, well here’s some advice:
\nThink your wife’s down to earth
\nAnd cares not for net worth?
\nShe’ll get hot for two carats of ice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

My mail-order bride wasn\u2019t nice.
\nSaid my legerdemain was a vice,
\nAnd magicians are lame,
\nSo I\u2019m hardly to blame
\nFor turning the bitch into ICE.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A plumber tried breaking the ice
\nWith the lady next door. She was nice,
\nAnd she made her needs plain.
\nSo he snaked out her drain.
\nShe was thoroughly satisfied. Twice.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wendy Playter:<\/p>\n

A mob boss named Sugary Ned
\nLiked baked goods and one day he said,
\n\u201cIt would be very nice
\nIf this cake got some ice!\u201d
\n(And later the cake turned up dead.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

When you die, if you pay a high price
\nThey avow they will put you on ice
\nAnd thaw you someday
\nThe moment that they
\nAre able, so you can live twice.<\/p>\n

But don’t bother, my friend. I will bet you
\nThere’s little this process will net you,
\nFor even if they
\nCould cure you someday
\nIt’s more likely by far they’d forget you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Linda Ann Nickerson:<\/p>\n

My neighbor\u2019s demeanor\u2019s like ice.
\nHe gives answers unkind, imprecise.
\nHe\u2019ll stop, stand, and stare
\nWith nary a care,
\nAnd he won\u2019t take his own bad advice.<\/p>\n

When pigs fly, he\u2019ll pick up his trash,
\nAnd he may even burn up his stash.
\nThe scents from his deck
\nBounce like a bad check,
\nSo daily our teeth we do gnash.<\/p>\n

And still, as he passes, I wave,
\nBut hope he\u2019ll go back in his cave.
\nHe won\u2019t be ignored,
\nFor he\u2019s head of the Board,
\nSo all of us have to behave.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOPPING LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

The shop-lifting queen often gloats
\nOf the number of items she totes.
\n\u201cI\u2019m thin before thieving,
\nBut fat when I\u2019m leaving \u2013-
\nFive sweaters, four skirts, and three coats.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

They ordered a fancy new phone
\nDelivered by Amazon drone.
\nThe service was fast,
\nBut left them aghast;
\nTheir chimney\u2019s a dropping-off zone.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Have you ever seen some woman shopping,
\nWhile her man tags along with store-hopping?
\nHe’s there holding her bags,
\nWhile she tries on new rags.
\nOn and on he just lags without stopping!<\/p>\n

How about, at the end of the day,
\nShe should let him just have his own way;
\nHe will tell her, “I dare
\nYou to put on and wear
\nJust your birthday suit there on display!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I know you\u2019ve been naughty, not nice, By indulging your energy vice. My traditional role Is to leave you some coal, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,4764,3284,2538,5009,5018,5040,2537,4533,3167,4887,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38848"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=38848"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38848\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38894,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38848\/revisions\/38894"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=38848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=38848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=38848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}