{"id":38652,"date":"2016-10-29T23:34:57","date_gmt":"2016-10-30T03:34:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=38652"},"modified":"2016-10-29T23:34:57","modified_gmt":"2016-10-30T03:34:57","slug":"limerick-off-award-264","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/10\/29\/limerick-off-award-264\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (264)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

He poured her a very nice Cab,
\nBut she didn\u2019t drink any, or gab.
\nAnd the sex later flopped:
\nWhen he poked her, she popped.
\nIt\u2019s no fun when the gal is pre-fab.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Special FRUIT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

“Would you care for an apple?” she cooed.
\nHe didn’t. But not to be rude,
\nHe took a small bite.
\nGod forgave him? Not quite.
\nOur merciful Lord came unglued.<\/p>\n

God raged, and his anger was vicious.
\nHe said what they did was pernicious!
\nBut Adam told Eve,
\n“Well, I guess we must leave,
\nBut boy was that apple delicious!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Brian Allgar, Steve Earp, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter<\/a>, Kirk Miller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CAB” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Said the doctor to Barney McNabb,
\n\u201cYour results have come back from the lab.
\nYour ataxia\u2019s worse.\u201d
\nBarney turned to the nurse:
\n\u201cDid the doctor just call me a cab?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t go to the ball, I\u2019m so drab!\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry, dear – Abracadab!\u201d
\nWith a soft, swishing sound
\nCinderella was gowned,
\nAnd the pumpkin transformed to a cab.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Steve Earp:<\/p>\n

Said a girl Trump attempted to grab,
\n\u201cGet your hands off and call me a cab.\u201d
\nOn encircling her waist
\nWith bravado misplaced,
\nHe was floored by her brutal left jab.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

On too many a cold marble slab
\nIn a med school anatomy lab
\nWith a tag on its toes
\nLies another of those
\nWho refused to go home in a cab.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

\nMy mother says, “Don’t pick a scab.”
\n“If you’re drunk, do not drive. Call a cab.”
\nAnd she tells Donald Trump,
\n“When you see a nice rump,
\nRemember: just look, do not grab!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m drunk,\u201d muttered Rita to Mab,
\n\u201cYou should probably get me a cab.\u201d
\nMab, pouring more wine,
\nSaid, \u201cA Cab would be fine,
\nBut this Chardonnay, honey, is fab!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FRUIT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll make money. How hard could it be
\nTo grow fruit upon many a tree?
\nSo an orchard I bought,
\nBut the profits were naught.
\n\u2019Twas a fruitless endeavor for me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jane Shelton Hoffman: <\/p>\n

My body is shaped like a pear.
\nAt other girls\u2019 chests guys would stare.
\nBut I watched their boobs drop,
\nWhile mine stayed on top.
\nSometimes life does end up being fair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Out in public the guy was a brute,
\nAnd his legions of fans followed suit.
\nGrabbing privates? That\u2019s lewd.
\nThough I hate to waste food,
\nOne response crossed my mind: throwing fruit.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Cherimoya and Damson and Jambul
\nAnd the Salak may seem like a gamble.
\nThere’s the Longan, the Nance–
\nGo ahead, take a chance.
\nBut you’re wondering, why do I ramble?<\/p>\n

The Satsuma will cleanse, not pollute,
\nAnd the Yuzu, which smells nice to boot.
\nAll these, plus Rambutan
\nDon’t have any gluten,
\nFor each of these words is a fruit!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: He poured her a very nice Cab, But she didn\u2019t drink any, or gab. And the sex later flopped: When he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,2281,3284,5009,5018,2537,3401,3369,4533,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38652"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=38652"}],"version-history":[{"count":75,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38652\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38769,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38652\/revisions\/38769"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=38652"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=38652"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=38652"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}