{"id":37873,"date":"2016-07-23T23:49:19","date_gmt":"2016-07-24T03:49:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=37873"},"modified":"2016-07-24T00:06:20","modified_gmt":"2016-07-24T04:06:20","slug":"limerick-off-award-257","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/07\/23\/limerick-off-award-257\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (257)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny, musical limerick:<\/p>\n

\nFive fishermen lived hereabout,
\nBut their talents were somewhat in doubt.
\nThough five lines they would spin,
\nJust one fish was reeled in.
\nThis quintet became known as \u201cThe Trout.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Allergy-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

She was to be one of the \u201cperks\u201d
\nAt the office where Roger Ailes works.
\nBut started to sneeze
\nAs he fondled her knees;
\nTurns out, she\u2019s allergic to jerks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter,<\/a> Byron Miller a\/k\/a Errol Nimbly, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Kathleen Bartoletti, Ken Gosse, Suzanne Heymann, Judith H. Block,<\/a> Brian Allgar, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BOUT\/ABOUT” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

\nSome things are exact, not “about.”
\nThey are what they are, without doubt.
\nA worm’s not a snake,
\nA cookie’s no cake,
\nAnd a salmon’s not “almost” a trout.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly:<\/p>\n

It appears that the captain is out
\nOf the closet without any doubt.
\nFrom up high in the rigging
\nI spotted him frigging
\nThe cabin boy, coming about.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin, for his “AND IN THIS CORNER, KID IONESCO!”<\/p>\n

In the very first round of the bout,
\nThe Kid knocked the champion out.
\nBut they stopped him, they did,
\nWhen they noticed the Kid
\nHad four legs, and a horn on his snout.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kathleen Bartoletti: <\/p>\n

A turtledove flying about
\nWas afraid that his luck had run out
\nWhen he noticed one day
\nA hawk headed his way;
\nHe was quickly relieved of all doubt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

You don’t know what you’re talking about?
\nNo problem. Just act like a lout.
\nRefuting your betters,
\nUse CAPITAL LETTERS,
\nTHE FACEBOOK-APPROVED WAY TO SHOUT!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ken Gosse: <\/p>\n

His dyslexia sometimes came out
\nWhen the Drill Sergeant started to shout,
\nBut he knew how to cope:
\nHe could walk that tightrope,
\nThough they grinned when he yelled, \u201cFace About!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

If you don’t know what life’s all about
\nDon’t worry, relax, just chill out.
\nLive life fully and know
\nWhen it’s your turn to go
\nYou’ll no longer be living in doubt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ALLERGY-LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Judith H. Block:<\/p>\n

I’m allergic to most politicians
\nWith their multiple bullshit positions.
\nAnd although I’m not sneezing,
\nI’m certainly wheezing;
\nI’m sick of their toxic emissions.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

As they loaded the Ark\u2019s floating zoo,
\nIt appeared they were missing a few.
\n\u201cThose unicorns? Banned \u2019em,\u201d
\nSaid Noah. \u201cCan\u2019t stand \u2019em.
\nI\u2019m allergic to dinosaurs, too.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Diane Groothuis: <\/p>\n

Now mustard’s my b\u00eate noire, by God.
\nMy reaction is terribly odd.
\nWith rashes and hives,
\nMy blood pressure dives,
\nAnd I give old St Peter the nod.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a trick-turning floozy, long fallen,
\nWho\u2019s bothered, in springtime, by pollen.
\nAlong with her sneezes,
\nCome vaginal squeezes\u2013
\n\u201cGod bless you!\u201d her clients keep callin\u2019.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny, musical limerick: Five fishermen lived hereabout, But their talents were somewhat in doubt. Though five lines they would spin, Just one fish […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[4003,2578,4465,2747,3570,4849,4842,5009,5018,2537,4533,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37873"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37873"}],"version-history":[{"count":37,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37958,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37873\/revisions\/37958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}