{"id":37594,"date":"2016-06-25T22:55:24","date_gmt":"2016-06-26T02:55:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=37594"},"modified":"2016-06-25T23:09:44","modified_gmt":"2016-06-26T03:09:44","slug":"limerick-off-award-255","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/06\/25\/limerick-off-award-255\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (255)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to RANDOLPH WAGNER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

A detective entreated Bernice
\n\u2019Tween the sheets of the Chief of Police,
\n“Keep this tryst undercover.
\nMy boss, who’s your lover,
\nCan’t know that you’ve fingered my piece.”<\/p>\n

She laughed, “We’re discreet. Hold your peace.
\nSince that cuckolded Chief of Police
\nLacks the vim and the vigor
\nI feel when your trigger
\nIs pulled, let the firing increase.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special Money-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Mad\u2019s \u201dLimerick-Off\u201d is iconic,
\nBut MONEY\u2019s a theme that\u2019s ironic.
\nCash prize? In your dreams!
\nYou\u2019ll win nothing, it seems,
\nNot even a small gin and tonic.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Brian Allgar, Tiel Aisha Ansari,<\/a> Tim James, Robert Schechter<\/a>, Dave Johnson, Randolph Wagner, Kirk Miller, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LEASE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

A slimy young dude named Maurice
\nMet a widow he thought he could fleece.
\nBut his try was for naught,
\nFor he quickly got caught.
\nNow he hopes for an early release.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

His grammatical errors increase;
\nWrong apostrophes litter each piece.
\nThen last night, around four,
\nCame a knock at his door:
\n\u201cOpen up! It\u2019s the grammar police!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tiel Aisha Ansari:<\/p>\n

When Jason returned with the Fleece
\nHe put his whole crew on release
\nAnd all that he tendered
\nFor services rendered\u2013
\nAt most, half an obol apiece.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\u201cLots of fish in the sea!\u201d is a piece
\nOf old \u201cwisdom\u201d he cites without cease.
\nHe beds ladies one night;
\nAfter that, he takes flight.
\nHis philosophy: catch and release.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

There was never a moment of peace;
\nShe could talk like a gaggle of geese;
\nShe would scold and she\u2019d nag
\nTill a large plastic bag
\nBrought him silence \u2013 a blessed release.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MONEY LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

To understand money, be sure
\nYou are not some rich entrepreneur,
\nFor tell me, how shall you
\nConceive its true value
\nUnless and until you’ve been poor?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Though her wealthy old lover is gruff,
\nHe buys her a lot of nice stuff.
\nBut when ready for sex,
\nThere is no time for checks;
\nJust a blindfold while he\u2019s in the buff.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Randolph Wagner:<\/p>\n

A sad, tawdry saga is Mitch’s
\nBeginning with staggering riches
\nTo which he fell heir.
\nThey were squandered with flair
\nSince his tool couldn’t stay in his britches.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: (Donald Trump begs for contributions)<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease send me some money \u2013 you must,
\n\u2019Cause you know I\u2019m the guy you can trust.
\nAs Prez, I will show how
\nMy bankruptcy knowhow
\nCan make the whole country go bust.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

If money to me you\u2019d disburse
\nFor odes that were raunchy or worse,
\n\u2019Twould allow me to say,
\nIn my deviant way,
\n\u201cI guess that my pay\u2019d be per verse.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Have you ever walked down any street
\nAnd found cash in your path at your feet?
\nA thrill tends to flow
\nFrom your head to your toe
\nWhenever the two of you meet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

Las Vegas, that desert oasis,
\nWas built on an interesting basis.
\nYou lose all your dough,
\nThen booze while they show
\nBare boobies in big, glitzy places.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to RANDOLPH WAGNER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick: A detective entreated Bernice \u2019Tween the sheets of the Chief of Police, “Keep this tryst undercover. My boss, who’s your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3284,5009,5018,4658,4763,2537,4533,4838,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37594"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37594"}],"version-history":[{"count":62,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37594\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37706,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37594\/revisions\/37706"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37594"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37594"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37594"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}