{"id":37490,"date":"2016-06-11T22:38:37","date_gmt":"2016-06-12T02:38:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=37490"},"modified":"2016-06-11T22:52:20","modified_gmt":"2016-06-12T02:52:20","slug":"limerick-off-award-254","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/06\/11\/limerick-off-award-254\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (254)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nThe Success Model Two will impress
\nAs it draws out the pits with finesse.
\nIt will not bruise the fruit,
\nAnd it’s quiet to boot,
\n\u2019Cause nothing sucks seeds like Success!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special ANGER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

My wife and my best friend in bed!
\nIn my anger, I shot them both dead,
\nThen I buried them deep
\nIn my composting heap.
\nNow my garden is very well fed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Randolph Wagner, Marty Gerendasy, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Pedro Poitevin<\/a>, Konrad Schwoerke, Dave Johnson, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PRESS” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Randolph Wagner:<\/p>\n

His bright “Hallelujahs” impress,
\nBut his musical flair and finesse
\nTruly can’t hold a candle
\nTo how George can “Handel”
\nD major, his key to success.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy:<\/p>\n

Now I really must clean and must press
\nMy good suit ’cause it’s clearly a mess!
\nGotta have it by noon,
\nBetter be ready soon,
\nOr I’ll have to start wearing a dress!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

\nAll aboard! It’s the Quantum Express
\nWhere the route’s well-defined, more or less,
\n\u2019Til you pass through the tunnel.
\nAnd then what you’ve done’ll
\nBe just a statistical guess.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A novitiate tried to express
\nHer regret, for she\u2019d made quite a mess.
\nShe had made it a habit
\nTo kill off the rabbit.
\nShe cried, but she\u2019s gone, nuntheless.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Those bastards who cynically mess
\nWith your head, causing untold distress,
\nSpreading lies, propaganda,
\nFalse rumours and slander,
\nAre collectively known as \u201cThe Press.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Pedro Poitevin:<\/p>\n

I ask for a threesome and \u201cYes,\u201d
\nMy wife and her friend acquiesce.
\nThen I notice my mood\u2014
\nGod, I\u2019ve shrunk like a prude!
\nNow I’m anxious, I guess, to impress.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ANGER LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James, for his Acrostic Limerick:<\/p>\n

\n

T<\/strong>he rage in today\u2019s GOP
\nR<\/strong>ots the party\u2019s insides. We can see
\nU<\/strong>gly insults fly thick.
\nM<\/strong>ight a small, stubby dick
\nP<\/strong>rompt such crap? No, his brain is what\u2019s wee.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

I’m thinking divorce, I’m so mad:
\nTo rekindle the romance we had,
\nI suggested a date night,
\nA hot, sexy late night\u2014
\nSo she’s out with some actor named Brad.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

\nIf Trump makes you angry, just note
\nThat the lies that spew out of his throat,
\nThough vicious and vile,
\nAre only a pile
\nOf bullshit. So get out and vote!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

He\u2019s claiming his Trump U was shrewd,
\nBut students cried fraud and they sued.
\nCourt documents show
\nWhat the plaintiffs all know:
\nYou don\u2019t have to undress to get screwed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

When he joined anger management classes
\nAlong with the ill-tempered masses
\nHe felt he was cursed,
\nBeing fully immersed
\nIn a room with the worst bunch of asses.<\/p>\n

So what else could he bloody well do?
\nHe tried Prozac, booze, pot and sex too.
\nWaves of madness were tidal,
\nA touch homicidal,
\nPerhaps suicidal \u2013 snafu!<\/p>\n

As he went to apply for some pogey,
\nHe met a strange man, some old fogey
\nWho wore a fedora
\nAnd had a bright aura.
\nIt\u2019s hard to ignore a great yogi.<\/p>\n

The old wise man could see through his pain
\nAnd he sought to unshackle his chain.
\nMeditation he taught,
\nAnd it helped him a lot.
\nPeace and sanity came back again.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The Success Model Two will impress As it draws out the pits with finesse. It will not bruise the fruit, And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3523,2538,5009,5018,4658,4538,4763,4533,3167,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37490"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37490"}],"version-history":[{"count":68,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37490\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37591,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37490\/revisions\/37591"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37490"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37490"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37490"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}