{"id":37318,"date":"2016-05-28T23:24:08","date_gmt":"2016-05-29T03:24:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=37318"},"modified":"2016-05-28T23:41:30","modified_gmt":"2016-05-29T03:41:30","slug":"limerick-off-award-253","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/05\/28\/limerick-off-award-253\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (253)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nMy gal\u2019s faithful and true and won\u2019t stray
\nAnd she\u2019s there at the end of the day
\nWith a warm, loving kiss.
\nIn addition to this,
\nShe can sit, fetch, roll over and stay.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special SCIENCE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

\nThe scientist wrote many theses
\nOn cloning unusual species.
\nWhat challenged the most
\nWas the right-wing talk host;
\nFor that one, you\u2019d have to use feces.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Randolph Wagner, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Ian Graham,<\/a> Brian Allgar, Daniel Ari,<\/a> Marty Gerendasy, Tim James, Byron Miller a\/k\/a Errol Nimbly, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“STAY” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Randy Wagner:<\/p>\n

When that plucky Miss Muffet would stay
\nOn the tuffet, the spider would say,
\n\u201cIf you choose to remain,
\nLet me clearly explain:
\nSpiders bite! Go ahead, make my day.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

A “fabulous” drag queen would say,
\n“My very large organ must stay.
\nIt earns me a ten
\nWhen I’m bedded by men
\nWho joyously find that I’m gay.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ian Graham:<\/p>\n

Though straitlaced, she said, \u201cWell, OK.
\n\u201cWe\u2019ll play – once I\u2019ve loosened my stay.\u201d
\nSaid he in a daze:
\n\u201cI suppose you mean \u2018stays\u2019?\u201d
\nShe said, \u201cNo, just the one for today.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\nHe invited the bimbo to stay
\nFor the night. She replied \u201cWell, okay;
\nBut I need to be sure
\nYou don\u2019t think I\u2019m a whore.\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d he said, \u201cI won\u2019t pay.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Daniel Ari: <\/p>\n

A couple who lived by the bay
\nEngaged in some furry role play.
\nSaid the girl to her chum,
\n“You won’t hear me say ‘come,’
\n\u2019Til you’ve learned to roll over and stay.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy:<\/p>\n

She begged of me, “Don’t go away,
\n\u2019Cause I really would like you to stay.”
\nWhat followed was pleasure
\nThat’s too great to measure,
\nAnd for once I did not have to pay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

She had wanted the farmhand to stay
\nIn the barn for a roll in the hay.
\nThen she cringed in disgust:
\nHe was covered in dust.
\nIt\u2019s a truism: grime doesn\u2019t pay.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly<\/p>\n

When the farmhand suggested she stay
\nIn the barn for a roll in the hay,
\nShe said, \u201cSit on my stool
\nAnd I\u2019ll straddle your tool\u2013
\nI can finish the milking that way.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

The roof of his cabriolet
\nGot stuck on a cold rainy day.
\nShe\u2019d fret, get upset
\nAs her hairdo got wet,
\nAnd he just couldn\u2019t get her to stay.<\/p>\n

A convertible\u2019s only okay
\nIf the sun in the sky\u2019s on display.
\nBut if snow, rain or ice
\nComes, then take my advice;
\nGet her flowers and nice lingerie.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SCIENCE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

\n\u201cEvolution is fact!\u201d said the right.
\n\u201cClimate science? We\u2019ve now seen the light!\u201d
\nAfter that, Heidi Klum
\nShowed up, nude, in my room.
\n\u2018Twas one hell of a dream Friday night.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\nCreationists place great reliance
\nOn bibles, and little on science.
\nAs they slurp countless beers,
\nThey say \u201cSix thousand years
\nIs the world\u2019s age!\u201d with drunken defiance.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

The physicists had a huge spat
\nIn their quantum entanglement chat.
\nOne delivered this lesson:
\n\u201cIf you are caught messin\u2019,
\nYou\u2019ll end up like Schr\u00f6dinger\u2019s cat.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then Heisenberg entered the fray.
\n\u201cI\u2019m uncertain it\u2019s true what you say.
\nYou have no compunction
\nTo use your wave function.
\nMy matrices carry the day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was one of them on the right track?
\nI admit I was taken aback
\nWhen Pauli was puzzled
\nAnd both men were muzzled.
\nHe said, \u201cWe must query Dirac.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s add Relativity here,\u201d
\nThe Englishman said to a cheer.
\nBut his math raised a clatter.
\n\u201cWhat is this? Antimatter?
\nOutlandish, and yet it is clear.\u201d<\/p>\n

The squabbling continues today.
\nQuantum weirdness is true. It must stay.
\nThe results provide traction.
\nThat famed \u201cspooky action\u201d
\nThat Einstein decried won\u2019t go \u2019way.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: My gal\u2019s faithful and true and won\u2019t stray And she\u2019s there at the end of the day With a warm, loving […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[4003,2578,3023,4465,3523,4519,5009,5018,4658,4763,4533,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-37318","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","tag-brian-allgar","tag-byron-miller","tag-daniel-ari","tag-dave-johnson","tag-fred-bortz","tag-ian-graham","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-marty-gerendasy","tag-randolph-wagner","tag-suzanne-heymann","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37318","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37318"}],"version-history":[{"count":70,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37318\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37485,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37318\/revisions\/37485"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37318"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37318"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37318"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}