{"id":36859,"date":"2016-04-16T22:01:30","date_gmt":"2016-04-17T02:01:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=36859"},"modified":"2016-04-17T15:53:49","modified_gmt":"2016-04-17T19:53:49","slug":"limerick-off-award-250","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/04\/16\/limerick-off-award-250\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (250)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

The real estate agent had hissed:
\n\u201cAnother gin \u2013 tonic and twist.\u201d
\nAfter three or four more,
\nThey showed her the door;
\nAnd that\u2019s when she started to list.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins the Special CAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny two-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

A friend simply can\u2019t let a friend
\nDrive a Fiat 500. Pretend
\nIt\u2019s a car if you must,
\nBut believe me: it\u2019s just
\nA roller-skate\/Tupperware blend.<\/p>\n

When the time comes for parking it, though,
\nIt has an advantage to show:
\nWherever you are,
\nYou can just pop the car
\nIn its own glove compartment, and go.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter,<\/a> Jeanine Silverio,<\/a> Will T. Laughlin,<\/a> Randolph Wagner, Brian Allgar, Kagen Aurencz Zethmayr,<\/a> Kathy El-Assal, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Dave Johnson, Tim James, Marty Gerendasy, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TWIST” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

You haven’t read Oliver Twist?
\nDon’t bother. I’ll give you the gist.
\nHe said, “I want more.”
\nThey showed him the door,
\nAnd he then found it hard to subsist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jeanine Jamero Silverio: <\/p>\n

Her panties are all in a twist,
\nThough I’d hoped that she wouldn’t be pissed.
\nHer man’s last martini
\nWent straight to his weenie…
\nI found it too HARD to resist!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

In his pants the geologist pissed
\nAs he felt the cave buckle and twist.
\nWhen it fell on his head,
\nThe geologist said,
\n\u201cWell, I guess I\u2019m in really deep schist.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Randolph Wagner:<\/p>\n

Pled Cecil, “Please cease and desist
\nYour insipid debasement of Liszt!
\nYou play like it’s Brahms
\nOr Anglican psalms,
\nThen add a Wagnerian twist!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

With my hands round her throat as we kissed,
\nFirst I squeezed, then I started to twist;
\nI went mad with my knife
\nOn that doll, large as life –
\nAnd as she deflated, she hissed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kagen Aurencz Zethmayr:<\/p>\n

I never can cease and desist
\nFrom giving old saws a new twist.
\nTo tradition I say
\n(And it’s true every day),
\nA bird flipped is worth two in the fist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kathy El-Assal: <\/p>\n

“Please, sir, I want more,” was the gist
\nThat got him expelled, but not missed.
\nHe encountered the Dodger,
\nBecame Fagin’s lodger,
\nAnd then — what the dickens? — a twist!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

In six days, from primordial mist,
\nGod created Creation. The twist?
\nOn the Eighth Day, He woke
\nFrom His rest with a choke,
\nAnd discovered He didn\u2019t exist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz, for his 3-verser: <\/p>\n

To win on Mad’s limerick list,
\nPen a verse that she cannot resist.
\nFor a lim that’s sublime,
\nKeep tight rhythm and rhyme,
\nAnd of course you must end with a twist.<\/p>\n

I ended that verse with “a twist,”
\nSo declare–no in fact, I insist–
\nI must get an award
\nFrom the Limerick Board.
\nIf I don’t, it’s a slap on the wrist.<\/p>\n

Is my using “a twist” a real twist?
\n(I hope you are getting the gist.)
\nI am ever so clever!
\nI must win! However
\nBy now I think Mad must be pissed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CAR LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

In their hippy days, most would agree
\nThat their lifestyles were simple and free.
\nBut now at the mall
\nIn the very next stall,
\nThey\u2019re parking some huge SUV.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

In the days before cheap GPSing
\nA car trip was sometimes distressing.
\nSome people used maps,
\nBut I think perhaps
\nMost people relied on blind guessing.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

At the speedway they sold me a ride
\nIn a race car. \u201cIt\u2019s easy!\u201d they lied.
\nMy top speed was about
\nOne-oh-six. I got out
\nJust as soon as my trousers had dried.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy, whose limerick is also a “twist” limerick:<\/p>\n

Pushed the key in and gave it a twist,
\nThen the engine just sputtered and hissed.
\nThe damned car wouldn’t start
\nSo I had to ride BART,
\nAnd you’d better believe I was pissed!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

An electric car auto amass
\nMiles per gallon that surely surpass
\nA conventional car,
\nSo electric cars are
\nSaid to be ones that really kick gas.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jeanine Jamero Silverio:<\/p>\n

She’s thirty, but still has some spunk,
\nThough she looks like an old piece of junk.
\nStill, she runs like a dream.
\n(Did you hear a scream?
\nI locked up my wife in the trunk.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

In the back-seat, we did more than pet,
\nAnd it seemed we were covered in sweat …
\nWe\u2019d forgotten the brake,
\nEnded up in the lake \u2013
\nWasn\u2019t sex that had made her so wet.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: The real estate agent had hissed: \u201cAnother gin \u2013 tonic and twist.\u201d After three or four more, They showed her the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,4465,3523,4764,4765,2543,3284,5009,5018,4658,4763,2537,3167,3543,487,523],"class_list":["post-36859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","tag-brian-allgar","tag-dave-johnson","tag-fred-bortz","tag-jeanine-silverio","tag-kagen-aurencz-zethmayr","tag-kathy-el-assal","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-marty-gerendasy","tag-randolph-wagner","tag-robert-schechter","tag-tim-james","tag-will-t-laughlin","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36859","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36859"}],"version-history":[{"count":76,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36859\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36958,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36859\/revisions\/36958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36859"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36859"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36859"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}