{"id":36701,"date":"2016-04-02T23:14:55","date_gmt":"2016-04-03T03:14:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=36701"},"modified":"2016-04-02T23:23:37","modified_gmt":"2016-04-03T03:23:37","slug":"limerick-off-award-249","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/04\/02\/limerick-off-award-249\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (249)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny two-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

My wife phoned to say: \u201cI\u2019m delayed;
\nWe have guests, so I\u2019ve hired a maid
\nTo set out the table,
\nAnd start, if she\u2019s able,
\nPreparing the beef marinade.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, I have to confess that I strayed.
\nThough I\u2019m fond of my wife, I\u2019m afraid
\nThat I\u2019m tempted to roam;
\nBy the time she got home,
\nBoth the maid and the table were laid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to PATRICK MCKEON, who wins the Special GREED-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

As they led him to jail he decreed:
\n\u201cIt was all done for love and not greed.
\nIt\u2019s a passion I feel
\nWhich compels me to steal,
\nThough that passion\u2019s for cash I concede.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER,<\/a> who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

It’s not “I have lain” but “I’ve laid,”
\nIf you lured her to bed and then played,
\nBut if in that same bed
\nYou were sleeping instead
\nYou have lain but not laid, I’m afraid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz,<\/a> Robert Schechter<\/a>, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Allen Wilcox, Randolph Wagner, Patrick McKeon, Mary McGarvey, Jeanine Silverio,<\/a> Brian Allgar, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cLAID\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO GREED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

There was a young lady who made
\nLots of money with guys getting laid.
\nBut insatiable greed
\nMade her do one more deed,
\nWhich is how she got caught in a raid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LAID” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

Since I hate buying cars, I delayed
\nGoing down to the lot. But I made
\nThe deal of my life:
\nA new Ford for my wife.
\nI thought it a pretty good trade.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

Their accountant was handsomely paid;
\nBut in time, he apparently strayed.
\nMany thousands, they say,
\nWent a prostitute\u2019s way;
\nIt looks like those funds were miss laid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

The bishop knew how to get laid.
\nHe’d have fun with a nun in the glade.
\nHis number one Sister
\nWas really a Mister.
\nHe glowed when the truth was displayed!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

\nThey said I’d be handsomely paid
\nIf I marched in the Virgin Parade.
\nI was game for a buck,
\nBut damn my bad luck!
\nBefore the check cleared, I got laid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Oh, when did my sex appeal fade?
\nI stare at my breakfast, dismayed:
\nOrange juice gets a squeeze;
\nBacon strips (such a tease!),
\nAnd the eggs, unlike me, have been laid.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Allen Wilcox: <\/p>\n

It was down on his couch that he laid
\nOn a fine APRIL day, and he prayed
\nThat he not wake too soon.
\nBut he woke up in JUNE,
\nWhich left him completely disMAYed!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Randolph Wagner:<\/p>\n

His ex, at his funeral, laid
\nA rose on his corpse. Quite dismayed,
\nShe sighed, “Only if
\nYou had been half as stiff
\nWhile living, I’d surely have stayed.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Patrick McKeon: <\/p>\n

On his deathbed an old pilot prayed
\nFor a post mortem heaven upgrade.
\nBut he couldn\u2019t go straight
\nTo that great pearly gate,
\nSince his final approach was delayed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GREED LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The billionaire\u2019s bluster and babble;
\nA cringe-worthy gift to the rabble.
\nUnhinged and absurd,
\nHis bleating is heard
\nAnd reads like a bad game of Scrabble.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin: <\/p>\n

A candidate, out on his tours,
\nSaid this as he spoke to \u201cthe poors\u201d:
\n\u201cI have money, and stuff,
\nBut it isn\u2019t enough \u2013
\nI won\u2019t rest \u2019til I take away YOURS.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mary McGarvey:<\/p>\n

San Francisco\u2019s Directors of BART
\nAll get fat while the trains fall apart;
\nThese crooks full of hooey
\nLet BART go Ka-blooey
\nWith grand theft as a great noble art.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

Gordon Gekko, film crook, didn\u2019t care;
\nHe praised greed. So does Trump. Let\u2019s compare!
\nThe guy from the flick
\nWas much less of a dick;
\nIn addition, he had better hair.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jeanine Silverio:<\/p>\n

Though he dressed in a monk\u2019s humble habit,
\nVows of poverty displeased the abbot.
\nThe sheer weight of his tax
\nBroke the peasantry\u2019s backs.
\nHe lusted for gold and to grab it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

\nHe would gorge himself, heap after heap,
\nEvery moment he wasn\u2019t asleep.
\nThis greedy young glutton
\nAte huge bowls of mutton
\nUntil he had wolfed the whole sheep.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

Those Black Fridays are days filled with greed
\nWhere the shoppers create a stampede.
\nBoxing Day\u2019s not enough?
\nLife may get tough and rough
\nAs you buy all this stuff you don\u2019t need.<\/p>\n

Tempting bargains would help you forget
\nThat there\u2019s int\u2019rest on top of the debt.
\nWhile you think you will \u2018save\u2019
\nYou\u2019ll find out you\u2019re a slave
\nAs you\u2019re hit with a wave of regret.<\/p>\n

So live under your means; give up greed.
\nPay off all of your debts; then you\u2019re freed.
\nA belly well-fed
\nAnd a roof o\u2019er your head
\nAnd some love in your bed\u2019s all you need.<\/p>\n

Your big debt load at least will have ONE dent
\nTill it\u2019s vanished, becoming redundant.
\nThe stress will stop seething.
\nYou\u2019re once again breathing
\nAnd living a life that\u2019s abundant!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny two-verse limerick: Brian Allgar: My wife phoned to say: \u201cI\u2019m delayed; We have guests, so I\u2019ve hired a maid To set out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[49,62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4107,4003,4465,3523,4764,5009,5018,4658,4762,3047,4763,2537,4533,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36701"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36701"}],"version-history":[{"count":74,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36852,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36701\/revisions\/36852"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}