{"id":36260,"date":"2016-02-21T01:37:21","date_gmt":"2016-02-21T05:37:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=36260"},"modified":"2016-02-21T01:58:21","modified_gmt":"2016-02-21T05:58:21","slug":"limerick-off-award-246","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/02\/21\/limerick-off-award-246\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (246)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

She was pregnant, she knew for a fact,
\nBut insisted that she was \u2018intact.’
\nThough her story was lame –
\n\u201cWell, this angel, like, came\u201d –
\nA religion was born from her act.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the WINTER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

To avoid winter cold and its strife,
\nI moved south to a warm, sunny life.
\nBut I still must beware
\nOf the chill in the air
\nFrom the cold, icy stare of my wife.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to CRAIG DYKSTRA, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this poignant limerick, which he wrote in memory of our good friend and witty limerick writer Johanna Richmond:<\/p>\n

The earth is still somehow intact.
\nThere\u2019s still gravity, nothing has cracked.
\nBut some of us here
\nHave just lost a friend dear,
\nAnd I had to acknowledge that fact.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Phyllis LaVietes, Shannon Tucker<\/a>, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Robert Schechter<\/a>, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, and David Reddekopp. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cTACT\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO WINTER LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

It’s a true inescapable fact
\nThat this snow can be easily packed
\nAnd then rolled into balls
\nShortly after it falls,
\nSo watch out or you may be attacked!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TACT” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

Said Trump, \u201cI will win. It\u2019s a fact.
\nThose clowns? They\u2019re my opening act.
\nThese morons \u2014 these twits
\nLack my charm, and my wits,
\nAnd my classiest attribute: TACT.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Phyllis LaVietes: <\/p>\n

Seismologists skillfully tracked
\nA seven point nine, and attacked
\nThe oil guys for making
\nThat quaking and shaking.
\nThe earth cracked; the fact was, they fracked.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Shannon Tucker:<\/p>\n

Quite suddenly faced with the fact
\nThat their vows were no longer intact,
\nShe called her attorney
\nAnd then for a gurney:
\nThey wheeled out his balls, which were sacked!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

Some folks clearly welcomed the fact
\nThat SCOTUS quite suddenly lacked
\nJustice Nino Scalia.
\nThey sneered, \u201cHope to see ya
\nIn Lucifer\u2019s realm.\u201d (They\u2019ve no tact.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

It is hard to express this with tact:
\nThere’s a fart that was recently cracked,
\nAnd I fear from its smell
\nThat there’s something unwell
\nWith your gastrointestinal tract.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

He reported with truth and with tact,
\nAnd he didn\u2019t know why he\u2019d been sacked
\nFrom Fox News. \u201cWe need guys,\u201d
\nSaid his boss, \u201cWho tell lies \u2013
\nThere\u2019s no place in our program for fact.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WINTER LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson: <\/p>\n

A timber town out in the hinters
\nNeeds someplace to warm up its winters.
\nBut a strip club has found
\nWhere loggers abound,
\nLap dancers have issues with splinters.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy: <\/p>\n

Sidewalks covered with ice and with snow
\nAnd a wind chill of twenty below
\nIt was too much for me
\nI decided to flee
\nWould I ever go back there? Hell no!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller: <\/p>\n

In the winter, I went on a trip
\nWith psychiatrists skiing. I\u2019d quip
\nAt the end of each day.
\nTo my wife, I would say
\nThat I saw many Freudians slip.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

For a treat I decided to go.
\nTo the vendor I shelled out the dough.
\nNow I wish I had known
\nThat my yellow snow cone
\nHad been made out of real yellow snow.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin’s 3-verse THE NYMPHOMANIAC IN WINTER:<\/p>\n

The snow-scape is tranquil and bright.
\nInside, though, I\u2019m having to fight
\nNot to giggle and snort
\nWhen the weather report
\nSays, \u201cWe got seven inches last night!\u201d<\/p>\n

And likewise, I cannot be proud
\nOf the fact that I chuckle aloud
\nWhen I hear that the guy
\nIn the truck passing by
\nIs shouting: \u201cHey \u2014 wanna get plowed?\u201d<\/p>\n

My answer? You already know it \u2013
\nAnd I\u2019m just the woman to crow it:
\nPretending to ponder
\nMy snow-blower yonder,
\nI ask him, \u201cWhy don\u2019t I just … blow it?!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: She was pregnant, she knew for a fact, But insisted that she was \u2018intact.’ Though her story was lame – \u201cWell, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103],"tags":[4003,2690,4465,4525,3523,3284,5009,5018,4658,3868,2537,4116,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36260"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36260"}],"version-history":[{"count":59,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36260\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36360,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36260\/revisions\/36360"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}