{"id":36001,"date":"2016-02-07T00:06:48","date_gmt":"2016-02-07T04:06:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=36001"},"modified":"2016-02-07T00:18:53","modified_gmt":"2016-02-07T04:18:53","slug":"limerick-off-award-245","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/02\/07\/limerick-off-award-245\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (245)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Said the Colonel \u201cCadet, I’ll be frank;
\nA blowjob is due to my rank.\u201d
\nSo the female cadet
\nSucked his stiff \u2018bayonet,\u2019
\nBut the charge in his weapon was blank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special BEVERAGE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Our children are looking divine.
\n\u2019Neath the chuppah, two families entwine.
\nBut the rabbi looks stressed
\nAs I make this request:
\n“Has Your Holiness more of this wine?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY,<\/a> who wins the Facebook Friends\u2019 Choice Award for her limerick that received the most Facebook \u201clikes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Colleen Murphy: <\/p>\n

The candidate tried to be frank,
\nBut his stats with constituents sank.
\nSo he gave to their ear
\nWhat they wanted to hear,
\nAnd he quickly moved upward in rank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Bob Dvorak, Tim James, Perry Plouff, Suzanne Heymann, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Fred Bortz,<\/a> David Reddekopp, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FRANK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Bob Dvorak:<\/p>\n

At art I’m not even mid-rank,
\nBut it calms me, if I may be frank.
\nMy brain today? Dead,
\nAnd my pencil? No lead.
\nAt the end, I keep drawing a blank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

\nFor a woman, the label is \u201cskank,\u201d
\nIf not \u201cslut,\u201d \u201cwhore,\u201d or [fill in the blank].
\nIf a man sleeps around
\nHe hears no worse than \u201chound.\u201d
\nDouble standards shame Fran, but not Frank.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Perry Plouff:<\/p>\n

Dear Madeleine, let me be frank.
\nI wrote out some poems and they stank.
\nI just can\u2019t complete
\nThis poetical feat
\nIn a manner which doesn\u2019t turn rank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann: <\/p>\n

An outlaw named James, first name Frank,
\nWalked nervously into a bank.
\nInstead of a gun
\nHe had pulled out a bun,
\nSo his chances for wealth quickly shrank.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

The inspector said, \u201cLet me be frank\u2026\u201d
\nSo I pushed him straight off of the plank,
\nAnd when he fell in
\nTo the sausage-meat bin,
\nI obligingly started to crank.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

A Congressman named Barney Frank
\nSaid, “Enough! You can’t screw us, Big Bank!”
\nSo he and Chris Dodd
\nJoined together, by God,
\nAnd they crafted an act of first rank.<\/p>\n

Slings and arrows came from their right flank;
\nAll the cranks soon declared the bill stank.
\nBut Barney just laughed.
\n“Next time YOU’LL get the shaft
\nAs the door of your jail cell goes clank.”<\/p>\n

Alas, AIG schemer Hank
\n(Mr. Greenberg) avoided the tank.
\nTo us it’s unnerving
\nThat one so deserving
\nGoes free when he shoulda been sank.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BEVERAGE LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

David Reddekopp:<\/p>\n

A fellow named Homer had woes
\nWhich he\u2019d drown in his liquor at Moe\u2019s.
\nWere his troubles so large
\nThat he couldn\u2019t tell Marge?
\nHe\u2019s a man of a million “D\u2019ohs.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

\u201cThis Chardonnay\u2019s lovely with pork,\u201d
\nHe said as he fondled the cork.
\nShe gave him a smile,
\nBut thought all the while
\n\u201cJust pour it and don\u2019t be a dork.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a soft drink that people say stokes them.
\nDon\u2019t withhold The Real Thing; it provokes them.
\nYou should know that for sure
\nThey are easy to lure.
\nAll it takes is a bottle to Cokes them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar: <\/p>\n

My doctor had told me I oughta
\nDrink less. Well, I\u2019m fond of a snorter
\nOf rum, whisky, brandy,
\nWhatever is handy \u2013
\nTo please him, I stopped drinking water.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

If the Bundys continue their stint,
\nI think we should give them a hint
\nAbout deregulation:
\nCut off their hydration,
\nAnd make them drink water from Flint.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

Some might say I had gone a bit far
\nWhen I crashed through the door in my car,
\nHit the wall with a thud,
\nAnd demanded more Bud:
\nMy drunkenness razes the bar.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: Said the Colonel \u201cCadet, I’ll be frank; A blowjob is due to my rank.\u201d So the female cadet Sucked his stiff […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[3115,4003,2525,4465,4525,3523,3284,2538,5009,5018,4699,4533,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36001"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36001"}],"version-history":[{"count":95,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36001\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36218,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36001\/revisions\/36218"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36001"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36001"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36001"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}