{"id":35774,"date":"2016-01-24T01:07:56","date_gmt":"2016-01-24T05:07:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=35774"},"modified":"2016-01-24T01:31:40","modified_gmt":"2016-01-24T05:31:40","slug":"limerick-off-award-244","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/01\/24\/limerick-off-award-244\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (244)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

I heard my love let out a wail
\nAnd knew she was fast turning pale.
\nI\u2019d heard it before
\nAnd told her once more:
\n\u201cMy dear, stay away from the scale.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special Dog and\/or Cat-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

One day my Maltese caught a whiff
\nOf a bitch and then said with a sniff,
\n“She’s not of my breed
\nBut I know what I need:
\nA great dame that will make my mast stiff.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to both J COSMO NEWBERY<\/a> and MARK KANE, who in a tie each win the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks that received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

J Cosmo Newbery: <\/p>\n

The response of the typical male
\nIs turning the palest of pale
\nWhen informed by his wife,
\nThe love of his life,
\nHow much she has saved at the sale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Kane:<\/p>\n

At the nude beach the regulars rail
\nAt the newbies who follow their trail.
\nThey’ll claim that they go
\nVery often, although
\nCertain parts are suspiciously pale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Dave Johnson, Suzanne Heymann, Valerie Grzegorczyk, Kirk Miller, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cPALE\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DOG and\/or CAT LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Marty Gerendasy<\/p>\n

When it rains cats and dogs mixed with hail,
\nYou’ll be smart if you look for a pail.
\nIf you can’t find a real one,
\nJust go out and steal one.
\nI’ll be happy to put up your bail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

Our puppy would try to impale
\nEvery creature possessing a tail.
\nThis libidinous habit,
\nWhen tried with a rabbit,
\nAnatomically just had to fail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PALE” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

He got stopped by a cop. Turning pale,
\nHe attempted a bribe to dodge jail.
\nBut it didn\u2019t quite work
\n\u2018Cause the poor, clueless jerk
\nDidn\u2019t notice the doughnuts were stale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

In my youth, I was thin as a rail,
\nBut today I resemble a whale.
\nI attribute my size
\nLess to burgers and fries
\nThan \u201csmall\u201d sodas that come in a pail.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

For Henry, the night was a fail,
\nSpent chasing and trying to nail
\nA pretty young thing
\nWho noticed his ring
\nLeft a circle that\u2019s narrow and pale.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

A showerhead ordered by mail
\nConsists of white bucket and nail.
\nHang it up like a wreath
\nAnd poke holes underneath.
\nThat is how you impale a pale pail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Valerie Grzegorczyk:<\/p>\n

The mail order bride wore a veil.
\nWhen ’twas lifted, the groom turned quite pale.
\nFrom pale he turned green;
\nShe\u2019d arrived sight unseen.
\nHe shipped her back C.O.D. mail.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOG and\/or CAT LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Out in Texas, a cowpoke named Sid
\nTook to heart words from songs as a kid.
\nBought a dachshund one day
\n\u2019Cause the lyrics did say:
\n\u201cGet a long little doggie.\u201d He did.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

If your puppy-dog constantly chews
\nThrough one of each pair of your shoes,
\nHe\u2019s just taking care
\nThat your feet should be bare
\nWhen you step into one of his poos.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

My dog, though he’s quick, ain’t a greyhound,
\nAnd he’s not, without training, a stay hound,
\nBut he thinks that his job
\nIs to fetch what I lob,
\nWhich, of course, makes him ace as a play hound.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marty Gerendasy:<\/p>\n

When your cats or dogs jump on your bed
\nAnd start doing a dance on your head,
\nYou may think that they’re playing,
\nBut what they are saying
\nIs “Get up, we wanna be fed!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin, who also wins The Limerick Saga Award for this touching tale:<\/p>\n

At times, when the going was tough \u2013
\nWhen I felt that enough was enough,
\nAnd I\u2019d want to give up \u2013
\nI would look at my pup\u2026
\nAnd my pup looked at me, and said, \u201cWuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

When my patience was truly worn through,
\nAnd I just didn\u2019t know what to do,
\nIn my fuddle and fog
\nI would turn to my dog,
\nAnd my pup, looking up, said, \u201cAroo.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the midst of an awful kerfuffle,
\nWhen rest was as rare as a truffle
\nAnd no peace could be found,
\nI would turn to my hound,
\nAnd my dog turned to me, and said, \u201cWuffle.\u201d<\/p>\n

And should I confront the abyss \u2013
\nWhen it seemed my whole life was amiss,
\nAnd I wanted to bawl \u2013
\nShe\u2019d say nothing at all:
\nJust come over, and give me a kiss.<\/p>\n

My dog has long since passed away.
\nBut after a terrible day
\nWhen troubles betide me,
\nShe\u2019s still here beside me,
\nAnd still knows the right thing to say.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: I heard my love let out a wail And knew she was fast turning pale. I\u2019d heard it before And told […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,42],"tags":[4003,4465,2447,3284,2538,5009,5018,175,4658,2223,4533,3167,4664,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35774"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35774"}],"version-history":[{"count":110,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35774\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35980,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35774\/revisions\/35980"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35774"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35774"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35774"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}