{"id":35516,"date":"2016-01-09T23:41:20","date_gmt":"2016-01-10T03:41:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=35516"},"modified":"2016-01-09T23:48:04","modified_gmt":"2016-01-10T03:48:04","slug":"limerick-off-award-243","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2016\/01\/09\/limerick-off-award-243\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (243)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN,<\/a> who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

In the Eighties, Lewd Lou was the dude
\nFor drugs for improving the mood.
\nIt was always enough
\nThat he\u2019d mention his \u201cstuff\u201d:
\nIt was \u2019Ludes to which Lewd Lou\u2019d allude.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Sleep and\/or Insomnia-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

My insomnia cure isn\u2019t booze;
\nNeither pills nor warm milk do I use.
\nBut a long string of lies
\nMakes me nod, close my eyes.
\nIt\u2019s a cure that I\u2019m calling \u201cFox Snooze.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ,<\/a> who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

The limerick mistress is shrewd
\nTo suggest that our verses be lewd
\nAnd allude to our privies,
\nOr privates, or skivvies,
\nWith words excremental and crude.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Robert Schechter,<\/a> Tim James, Brian Allgar, Kirk Miller, Suzanne Heymann, Sue Dulley, and Will T. Laughlin.<\/a> Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LEWD” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Dave Johnson:<\/p>\n

The fellow\u2019s a bit of a prude;
\nNot prone to be naughty or lewd.
\nAt Haulover Beach,
\nFor a necktie he\u2019ll reach;
\nHe hates being totally nude.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter:<\/p>\n

Bill Cosby admits he was shrewd
\nIn wooing the women he screwed:
\n“I’m famous, I’m charming,
\nMy wit is disarming,
\nAnd I make them all swallow a \u2019lude.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

A fellow once tried to elude
\nMarried life, for a reason quite crude:
\n\u201cBuy the cow? Not for me,
\nWhen the milk comes for free!\u201d
\nBut \u201cthe cow\u201d overheard him. He\u2019s screwed.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SLEEP\/INSOMNIA LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

How I long for a slumber that\u2019s deep!
\nI have tried to count gambolling sheep,
\nBut instead, they count me,
\nAnd before they\u2019ve reached three,
\nEvery sheep in the flock is asleep.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Getting piglets to sleep\u2019s not a chore
\nFor their father, who sits on the floor
\nBy their bed. Tales he\u2019ll spin
\nWhen his offspring turn in.
\nThey nod off \u2019cause their daddy\u2019s a boar.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Suzanne Heymann:<\/p>\n

If you sleep like a baby, you\u2019re nuts,
\nBecause every two hours your guts
\nAre screaming for food
\nAnd your pants have been pooed
\nCuz not one of your holes ever shuts.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

The clock says it’s 2:45;
\nI’m longing for sleep to arrive.
\nNow what would it take
\nTo stay this wide awake
\nAt the wheel on a long-distance drive?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin, who also wins The Limerick Saga Award for this all too familiar, albeit funny, story:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s eleven. You turn out the light.
\nThe room is as dark as the night.
\nYou yearn for repose,
\nBut your eyes will not close:
\nThere\u2019s something that just isn\u2019t right.<\/p>\n

In your mind, the ideas are reeling.
\nYou\u2019re left with a terrible feeling
\nThat the thoughts of the day
\nSimply won\u2019t go away,
\nSo you lie there and stare at the ceiling.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re constantly tossing and turning \u2013
\nYou\u2019re freezing \u2014 next minute, you\u2019re burning.
\nYou glance at the clock
\nAnd you see with a shock
\nThat it\u2019s two. But your brain is still churning.<\/p>\n

You find you\u2019re beginning to twitch,
\nFor the blanket is starting to itch.
\nYou try counting sheep.
\nThen your leg falls asleep,
\nAnd you think: lucky sonofabitch.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve now made a mess of the bed:
\nYou\u2019re all tangled up in the spread.
\nAs the black turns to grey
\nIn the new-dawning day,
\nThe whites of your eyes turn to red.<\/p>\n

Eight hours you\u2019ve tortured your brain
\nTo come up with a verse for Mad Kane
\nOn insomnia. Well,
\nThose eight hours of hell
\nHave left you completely insane.<\/p>\n

But there\u2019s no time for that any more:
\nGet up! Put your feet on the floor!
\nThere\u2019s a day\u2019s work ahead,
\nSo\u2026 (you fall back in bed;
\nAs your head hits the pillow, you snore.)\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: In the Eighties, Lewd Lou was the dude For drugs for improving the mood. It was always enough That he\u2019d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[4003,4465,3523,3284,5009,5018,2537,3369,4533,3167,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35516"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35516"}],"version-history":[{"count":113,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35516\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35771,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35516\/revisions\/35771"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35516"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35516"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35516"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}