{"id":29809,"date":"2014-12-14T01:03:52","date_gmt":"2014-12-14T05:03:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=29809"},"modified":"2014-12-14T02:25:45","modified_gmt":"2014-12-14T06:25:45","slug":"limerick-of-the-week-193","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2014\/12\/14\/limerick-of-the-week-193\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick of the Week (193)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to Brian Allgar, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<\/p>\n

The hooker was playing her grand
\nWhile caressing her customer\u2019s gland.
\nWhen he asked \u201cHow d\u2019you do it?\u201d
\nShe said \u201cNothing to it —
\nIt\u2019s a piece by Ravel for Left Hand.”\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Ives, C. Adams, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Robert Schechter<\/a>, Richard Diakun, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Colleen Murphy<\/a>, Ron B., and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

Byron Ives:<\/p>\n

He told her he\u2019d charge just a grand
\nFor a castle, built just as she planned.
\nShe scowled, \u201cYou\u2019re a leech,
\nGet off of this beach!
\nTake your bucket and cups and pound sand!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

C. Adams:<\/p>\n

A woman had hopes that were grand.
\nGet rich, that is what she had planned.
\nShe became a celeb,
\nFrom some pics on the web.
\nI must stop now. Can\u2019t type with one hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz:<\/p>\n

To Creationists, mankind is grand.
\nAt life\u2019s pinnacle, that\u2019s where we stand.
\nBut I say if it\u2019s true
\nWe\u2019re the best God can do
\nThen the deity needs to re-brand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schechter: <\/p>\n

There’s just one piano, the grand,
\nUpon which I’d deign lay a hand.
\nDon’t think for a minute
\nI’d play a damn spinet.
\nSuch keyboards are banned from my band.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Richard Diakun: <\/p>\n

I owed my old bookie nine grand
\nThe games didn’t go as I planned
\nNow, Tony wants bank
\nOr his boys break my crank–
\nIt’s useless since they broke my hand!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin, for his acrostic limerick:<\/p>\n

\u201cW<\/strong>e the Jury (not trial, but Grand)
\nH<\/strong>ave decided to NOT reprimand.
\nI<\/strong>n fact, you might say
\nT<\/strong>hat we functioned today
\nE<\/strong>xactly the way we were planned.\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Colleen Murphy: <\/p>\n

He claimed the ring cost him a grand.
\n“The finest in all of the land.”
\nBut I felt some distrust
\nWhen is started to rust
\nAnd it left a green mark on my hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ron B., for his “No Grander Philanderer:”<\/p>\n

A man whose delusions were grand
\nexpected that just as he planned
\nhis wife and his lover
\nwould gladly discover
\nthat neither could meet his demand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Konrad Schwoerke:<\/p>\n

\u201cFor your hit, I was paid fifty grand.
\nDo you want to know what I\u2019ve got planned?\u201d
\n\u201cNo, oblivion\u2019s best;
\nI don\u2019t want to be stressed.\u201d
\nSo I buried his head in the sand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to Jon Gearhart and Jonathan Jensen, who jointly win a special Political Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:<\/p>\n

Jon Gearhart:<\/p>\n

Aren’t those bendy contortionists grand?
\nI’ve seen one that for 6 years can stand
\nWith one foot in his mouth,
\nHis head stuffed up down south,
\nStill golfing and leading our land!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jonathan Jensen:<\/p>\n

Oh, political potshots are grand,
\nBut your mindset I don’t understand.
\nIt’s not “44”
\nWho took us to war
\nAnd laid waste to a far distant land.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Congratulations to Brian Allgar, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: The hooker was playing her grand While caressing her customer\u2019s gland. When he asked \u201cHow d\u2019you do it?\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[4003,3971,4386,2525,3523,3727,4122,2538,5009,5018,3188,2537,4385,3543,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29809"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29809"}],"version-history":[{"count":86,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29809\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29948,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29809\/revisions\/29948"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29809"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29809"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}