{"id":2721,"date":"2010-08-10T01:59:38","date_gmt":"2010-08-10T05:59:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=2721"},"modified":"2010-08-12T02:06:55","modified_gmt":"2010-08-12T06:06:55","slug":"facebook-koobface-humor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2010\/08\/10\/facebook-koobface-humor\/","title":{"rendered":"Facebook Straits (Updated — The Saga Continues)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week, shortly after I posted my latest Limerick-Off<\/a> and announced it on Facebook, the FB powers-that-be gave me quite a scare. Out of the blue, I was locked out of Facebook. <\/p>\n

A few minutes after my account was frozen, I received an FB email security alert informing me that I was infected by the Koobface virus and that my account would be blocked until it was removed. The email “helpfully” explained that I had gotten it from downloading some video I damn well knew I hadn’t downloaded. In fact, I had run a virus scan several hours earlier and had downloaded nothing in the interim.<\/p>\n

Nonetheless, I spent the next few hours running two different virus scans, neither of which found anything. After that, I wasted more time trying to regain access to my account. This involved:<\/p>\n

1) Swearing on a bunch of bibles that I was virus and worm-free;<\/p>\n

2) Writing, “pretty please let me back on Facebook — I promise to be good” one-thousand times on a local grade school’s blackboard; and<\/p>\n

3) Trying to convince FB that I’m really the account owner by (and I swear this is true) attempting (and failing) to ID nine Facebook friends by their photos.<\/p>\n

When I told hubby Mark about the ID nine FB friends by their photos<\/em> test, he start laughing hysterically. Why? Because few people are less visual than I am. Not only don’t I pay attention to FB photos, but under pressure I’d be hard pressed to ID one of me.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The whole time I was taking (and flunking) the photo test, I was praying to the god of agnostics that Facebook would give me another chance before permanent banishment to Twitter land.<\/p>\n

The good news: FB gave me a second opportunity to prove I’m not an identity thief. The bad news: It involved cell phone text messaging, something I’d never done. <\/p>\n

Yes, I know cell phone text messaging is no big deal and has been mastered by your average three-year old. But after hours of FB torture, I wasn’t in the mood to acquire a new skill. Nevertheless, after several screwed up attempts, I retrieved the FB Top Secret Code from my cell phone and convinced Facebook that I really am Madeleine Begun Kane.<\/p>\n

But (and I know I sound paranoid) I’m convinced this will happen again. Why? Because my banishment was apparently triggered by my last batch of Limerick-Off announcement messages. (I send them only to Limerick-Off participants, but FB seems to think they’re SPAM.)<\/p>\n

Okay, you’ve waited long enough. It’s time for a two-verse limerick:<\/p>\n

Facebook Straits
\nBy Madeleine Begun Kane<\/p>\n

Dear Facebook, you’re driving me crazy.
\nI’m not careless or foolish or lazy.
\nSo don’t claim you’ve detected
\nMy puter’s infected.
\nIt’s clean as a freshly cut daisy.<\/p>\n

Though I’m not a technology wiz,
\nI know what the Koobface worm is.
\nAnd I checked — there’s no sign
\nOf a virus. None! Nein!
\nIt appears that you don’t know your biz.<\/p>\n

Update<\/b> I thought, or at least hoped, that my FB travails were over. But apparently not. Wednesday night, when I tried to announce my new High-Tech Limerick-Off<\/a> via Facebook group messages, FB refused to let me. Instead, it told me my message was SPAM. If I disagreed, I was instructed to write and explain why the “offending” message was kosher. I did that, of course, and await their response. In the meantime, I’m angry enough to write another limerick:<\/p>\n

It seems Facebook does not give a damn
\nWhat it labels as unwanted SPAM.
\nMy lim-off announcements
\nAre getting me bouncements.
\nCommunity? This one’s a sham.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week, shortly after I posted my latest Limerick-Off and announced it on Facebook, the FB powers-that-be gave me quite a scare. Out of the blue, I was locked out of Facebook. A few minutes after my account was frozen, I received an FB email security alert informing me that I was infected by the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,757,42,97,3,119],"tags":[1414,533,4995,651,1412,1413,532,715,1415],"class_list":["post-2721","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-computer-humor","category-facebook-humor","category-limericks","category-spam-humor","category-technology-humor","category-telephone-humor","tag-computer-security","tag-computer-verse","tag-facebook-humor","tag-identity-theft","tag-koobface-virus","tag-koobface-worm","tag-technology-limerick","tag-text-message-humor","tag-virus-scan-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2721","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2721"}],"version-history":[{"count":57,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2721\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2797,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2721\/revisions\/2797"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2721"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2721"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2721"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}