Here are my entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational\u2019s “add some words in parentheses” to a song title contest:<\/p>\n
Let It Snow (Somewhere Else) <\/p>\n
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (That Don’t Require A Restraining Order) <\/p>\n
The Tide is High (Because You Over-Filled The Washing Machine) <\/p>\n
(Optometrists Warn Us) Don\u2019t Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes <\/p>\n
(Why The Heck Would You Garnish My Martini With A) Peppermint Twist <\/p>\n
(I Didn’t Say I Like You) Just the Way You Are (I Said I Like You Just The Way You Were) <\/p>\n
I\u2019ll Dance at Your Wedding (If You Guarantee Tips) <\/p>\n
(Message) I Care <\/p>\n
Guitar Polka (Has To Be Better Than Accordion Polka) <\/p>\n
Bridge Over Troubled Water (In New Jersey) <\/p>\n
It\u2019s Time to Pay the Fiddler (Cuz He’s Threatening To Strike) <\/p>\n
Livin\u2019 on a Prayer (Cuz My Food Stamps Were Cut) <\/p>\n
(I Have A Headache, So Don’t) Play that Funky Music <\/p>\n
(How I Wish Our House Came With A) Handyman <\/p>\n
On Second Thought (I Don’t Take You To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife) <\/p>\n
He\u2019ll Have to Go (To The Bathroom) <\/p>\n
Accentuate the Positive (If You Can Find Any) <\/p>\n
(I’m Going To Hold My Breath) Until You Come Back to Me (That\u2019s What I\u2019m Gonna Do) <\/p>\n
One Bad Apple (Will Ruin Your Pie) <\/p>\n
Remember The Time (Our Wedding Is Supposed To Start) <\/p>\n
What\u2019s She Doing Now (And How Much Has She Had To Drink) <\/p>\n
(You Don’t Deserve A) Good Hearted Woman <\/p>\n
To All The girls I\u2019ve Loved Before (I Have Some Really Bad News)<\/p>\n
(Pay Your Movie Streaming Bill Or) Get Off Of My Cloud<\/p>\n
One Way Or Another (I’ll Win This Contest)<\/p>\n