{"id":23972,"date":"2014-01-05T00:45:27","date_gmt":"2014-01-05T04:45:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=23972"},"modified":"2014-01-05T00:56:48","modified_gmt":"2014-01-05T04:56:48","slug":"limerick-of-the-week-146","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2014\/01\/05\/limerick-of-the-week-146\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick of the Week (146)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<\/p>\n

A gardener frequently blows
\nLots of money on hoes, hose, and hos.
\nWhat\u2019s the kind he likes best?
\nWell, unlike all the rest,
\nIt\u2019s the one that you can\u2019t buy at Lowe\u2019s.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins the Special Holiday-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Though my relatives near come to blows,
\nAnd my nightmares are filled with red bows,
\nAnd my innocent telly
\nNow knows Megyn Kelly,
\nI\u2019m sad after everyone goes! <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to J Cosmo Newbery<\/a>, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

The brav’ry of someone who blows
\nOn bagpipes, is hard to suppose.
\nAs they pump and exhale
\nIt lets out a high wail–
\nLike a cat in its final death throes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Steve Whitred<\/a>, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

So, this Christmas turned out a bit weird:
\nLast week’s man in the news with a beard
\nWasn’t “god’s only son”
\nOr “the red suited one,”
\nBut ‘a feller that’s homo afeard.’<\/p>\n

Seems he said a few words that were rude
\nAbout things some folks do in the nude.
\nClaimed he’s speaking for god.
\nThat’s the part I found odd.
\nNot as odd though as what then ensued.<\/p>\n

The network said “Good grief, O lord,
\nBy this unchristian speech we’re abhorred.”
\nBut they soon got the news
\nThat this good ol’ boy’s views
\nWith Confederate hearts struck a chord.<\/p>\n

In a cowardly turn I believe
\nThe old duck guy was given reprieve.
\nThey said “we don’t hate gays
\nBut it’s clear that what pays
\nIs to give all you hicks ‘by your leave.'”<\/p>\n

Now I can’t say what all this portends.
\nBut it’s time that this limerick ends.
\nSo to Phil who sells bait,
\nThough your words incite hate
\nHappy New Year to you and my friends.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners in the “Holiday Limerick Division” (in random order) Tim James, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Chris Hansen<\/a>, Byron Miller a\/k\/a Errol Nimbly, and Kirk Miller. <\/p>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners in the “Limerick Blows Division” (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Bob Dvorak, and John Peter Larkin.<\/p>\n

Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

Honorable Mention Winners — “Holiday Limerick Division”<\/p>\n

Tim James: <\/p>\n

A fellow of whom I\u2019ve heard tell
\nDoesn\u2019t write Christmas cards very well:
\n\u201cI wish you and your wife
\nOts of ove and ong ife.\u201d
\nBut it fits, in this time of No el.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

It’s a Jewish December tradition
\nTo serve meals at the Save-a-Soul Mission,
\nThen to nosh some Chinese,
\nWhere pork’s kosher — Oh please,
\nThat is NOT the rabbinic position!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Chris Hansen: <\/p>\n

Some resolve on the first day of Jan.
\nTo work out, or abstain, or eat bran.
\nThe gyms are awash
\nWith the poor and the posh.
\nBy the tenth they\u2019re all gone, to a man.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Byron Miller: <\/p>\n

At the company party this Christmas,
\nOur boss was a rowdily Pissed Miss,
\nAll smoochy and jolly,
\nDecked only in holly\u2013-
\nAn under-the-mistletoe-Kissed mess.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

At Christmas, what carries some clout
\nIs mistletoe hanging about.
\nWhen I hung some at work,
\nPeople said, \u201cTell me, Kirk,
\nWith mistletoe how\u2019d you make out?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Honorable Mention Winners — “Limerick Blows Division”<\/p>\n

Kathy El-Assal: <\/p>\n

From the ship came a loud “There she blows!”
\nAs the white whale from ocean depths rose.
\nThe sea was soon strewn
\nWith crew and harpoon
\nAs Moby de-feeted more foes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin: <\/p>\n

We went to \u201cThe 400 Blows,\u201d
\nWhich we thought was that film of Truffaut\u2019s.
\nWe found we were wrong:
\nIt starred Annabelle Chong
\nAnd four hundred fortunate schmoes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Dvorak: <\/p>\n

A woman who frequently blows
\nOn her horn says her preference it shows.
\nWhen asked by a wench
\nIf her horn felt like French
\nShe replied, “Blowing French — la m\u00eame chose.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

John Peter Larkin: <\/p>\n

A woman who\u2019d suffered some blows
\nFrom guys whom she thought were her beaus,
\nTold them all to get lost
\nIn tones filled with frost,
\nAnd said their new status was “Foes.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: A gardener frequently blows Lots of money on hoes, hose, and hos. What\u2019s the kind he likes best? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[62,84,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[3115,2578,3968,3523,2447,2065,2567,2543,3284,5009,5018,3342,3167,3967,487,523],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23972"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23972"}],"version-history":[{"count":73,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23972\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":24109,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23972\/revisions\/24109"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23972"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23972"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23972"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}