{"id":22171,"date":"2021-05-29T16:24:32","date_gmt":"2021-05-29T20:24:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=22171"},"modified":"2021-05-29T16:40:12","modified_gmt":"2021-05-29T20:40:12","slug":"limerick-off-award-470","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2021\/05\/29\/limerick-off-award-470\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick-Off Award (470)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.<\/a> <\/p>\n

Congratulations to BOB TURVEY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

A driver of engines named Dodd
\nLiked sex any place that was odd \u2013
\n\u2019Til he lay on his back
\nAfter sex on the track
\nAnd a train squashed his coupling rod.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special PHONE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

We belong to a rigid religion;
\nWe tithe till we’ve only a smidgen.
\nWe can’t pay for a phone,
\nCuz we’re down to the bone.
\nSo our carrier’s Charlie The Pigeon.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Rudy Landesman, Kirk Miller, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Mark Totterdell,<\/a> Brian Allgar,<\/a> Bob Turvey, P Diane Schneider, David Friedman, and Terry Marter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: \u201cTRACK\u201d RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PHONE-THEMED LIMERICKS)<\/p>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

I had faith my new smartphone would track
\nWhere I\u2019m going and how to get back,
\nBut for two nights (so far)
\nI have slept in my car,
\nOn a street quaintly named, \u201cCul-de-sac.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

D.C. rioters had no success;
\nNow they\u2019re all in a hell of a mess.
\nIt turned out their attack
\nWas quite easy to track;
\nAll it took was their phones\u2019 GPS.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Rudy Landesman:<\/p>\n

\nI was phoning my bookie, irate,
\nAfraid I was calling too late.
\nI said, \u201cCall me right back.
\nI am here at the track.
\nThe horses are still at the gate.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TRACK” RHYME DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Kirk Miller:<\/p>\n

Amtrak railway is getting some flack.
\nClientele say the line\u2019s out of whack.
\nThey must soon engineer
\nLots of change; that is clear.
\nRiders claim that they\u2019re on the wrong track.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:<\/p>\n

My thoroughbred, Gert, runs with force.
\nIn the stands, I’ll be cheering, (of course.)
\nAnd today, at the track,
\nI shall dress all in black,
\nSo I won’t look like Astor’s Pet Horse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

With my bingeing on Prime, I\u2019ve lost track
\nOf reality. Woe and alack!
\nStreaming comes at a price.
\nHow I wish for a vice
\nThat\u2019s a lot less addictive \u2014 like crack.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

There was a young man from St Blazey,
\nAnd he did some odd stuff but it\u2019s hazy.
\n(I would get this one back
\nOn the right kind of track
\nBut I\u2019m feeling incredibly lazy.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Note to self: keep your meter on track;
\nNever let your rhymes get out of whack;
\nLet thy words make thee proud;
\n(There\u2019s no \u201ctwin talk\u201d allowed);
\nHitting \u201cSEND\u201d means you can\u2019t take it back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PHONE-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)<\/p>\n

Brian Allgar:<\/p>\n

These \u201csmartphones\u201d are not smart at all!
\nThey\u2019re almost unreadably small;
\nOf \u201capps\u201d there\u2019s a pile,
\nBut no rotary dial –
\nHow the hell do I just make a call?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Mark Totterdell:<\/p>\n

When the very first phone call was staged,
\nAG Bell was completely enraged,
\nMost exceedingly vexed,
\nAll confused and perplexed,
\nWhen he found that the line was engaged.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bob Turvey:<\/p>\n

To the wife I said over the phone,
\n\u201cI\u2019ve a riddle \u2013 it\u2019s hard \u2013 can be blown.
\nWhen it slides in and out
\nYou\u2019ll jump and you\u2019ll shout
\nAnd it\u2019s in my hand now!\u201d \u201cYour trombone?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

Though the Luddite was lacking in cred,
\nOn the subject of cell phones he said,
\n\u201cI\u2019ll buy in a snap
\nThe one with an app
\nThat allows me to talk with the dead.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tim James:<\/p>\n

They used to put phones in a booth
\nIn the long-ago days of my youth.
\nYou would drop in a dime
\nFor a few minutes\u2019 time.
\nI remember! (I\u2019m long in the tooth.)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

P Diane Schneider:<\/p>\n

The call came when I was in bed.
\n\u201cYou\u2019ve ordered an iPhone,\u201d it said.
\nOf course I did not!
\n(Despicable bot!)
\nThese calls really mess with my head.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sjaan VandenBroeder:<\/p>\n

To my friend, as I\u2019m driving us through
\nA strange town neither one of us knew,
\nI said, \u201cHelp me here, Lars.
\nCheck my phone. Are there bars?\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cNo, but will liquor stores do?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

David Friedman:<\/p>\n

There was a corona cell, Cyrile,
\nAll covered with spikes in a spiral.
\nAs he and his clones
\nCoated everyone\u2019s phones,
\n\u201cI\u2019m hoping,\u201d he said, \u201cto go viral!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Terry Marter:<\/p>\n

Phoned my shrink \u2019bout my troubles and strife.
\nHe advised me to start a new life:
\n\u201cSeek out mountains and streams
\nWith the girl of your dreams.\u201d
\nI flew out the next day – with his wife!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off,<\/a> which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to BOB TURVEY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick: A driver of engines named Dodd Liked sex any place that was odd \u2013 \u2019Til he lay on his back After […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,104,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42,103,64],"tags":[5401,4003,5187,3284,5009,5018,5144,5463,4061,5446,5343,5407,3167,487,523],"class_list":["post-22171","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-haiku-seeds","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","category-poetry-prompts","category-poetry-contest","tag-bob-turvey","tag-brian-allgar","tag-david-friedman","tag-kirk-miller","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-lisi-nortman-ardissone","tag-mark-totterdell","tag-p-diane-schneider","tag-rudy-landesman","tag-sjaan-vandenbroeder","tag-terry-marter","tag-tim-james","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22171"}],"version-history":[{"count":924,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22171\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":43991,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22171\/revisions\/43991"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}