{"id":21426,"date":"2013-07-07T00:01:06","date_gmt":"2013-07-07T04:01:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=21426"},"modified":"2013-07-07T00:10:53","modified_gmt":"2013-07-07T04:10:53","slug":"limerick-of-the-week-121","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2013\/07\/07\/limerick-of-the-week-121\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick of the Week (121)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<\/p>\n

You could plead, if you sat on the board
\nOf GM or Chrysler or Ford,
\nThat they set as their bar
\nA dependable<\/em> car,
\nBut you never would reach an Accord.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Steve Whitred<\/a>, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

As a bride, Mrs Milton was bored.
\nTo her dear husband John she implored:
\n\u201cYou wrote Paradise Lost.\u201d
\nThen her legs she uncrossed.
\n\u201cNow find paradise yet unexplored.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, sometimes given to a clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

One day, when King Alfred was bored,
\nHe put down his scepter and sword.
\nForthwith the King called
\nTo Bard Bertram the Bald:
\n\u201cSoothe my soul with a comforting chord!\u201d<\/p>\n

The Bard began singing his song,
\nAnd the comforted King hummed along…
\n\u2018Til a jealous vizier
\nWhispered into his ear,
\n\u201cOh, Your Majesty! Something is wrong!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA rumor I\u2019ve heard \u2014 a humdinger \u2013
\nSays that Bertram is really a ringer!\u201d
\nHe continued, \u201cI\u2019ve heard
\nIn his beard is a bird,
\nAnd the bird (not the Bard) is the singer!\u201d<\/p>\n

Cried King Alfred, \u201cHow thoroughly weird…
\nA Bard with a bird in his beard!\u201d
\nSo he gave a command
\nTo the men close at hand
\nThat the Bard should be taken and sheared.<\/p>\n

Poor Bertram. It soon came to pass
\nThat they shaved his face smoother than glass.
\nBut the story absurd
\nOf the bearded Bard\u2019s bird
\nWas just so much chin-music, alas.<\/p>\n

Once Bertram was shaven, the King
\nKnew he\u2019d done a regrettable thing.
\nThe King had been careless,
\nAnd Bertram (the Hairless)
\nWas never again heard to sing.<\/p>\n

So here is the moral, milord:
\nIt\u2019s a lesson that can\u2019t be ignored.
\nIf your Bard has a bird
\nIn his beard, mum\u2019s the word\u2026
\nOr you\u2019ll end up eternally bored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz<\/a>, Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, Colleen Murphy<\/a>, Ailsa McKillop, Sue Dulley, and Madeleine Sara Maddocks<\/a>. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

Craig Dykstra: <\/p>\n

The newlyweds never got bored.
\nThe bride often found herself floored.
\nAnd sofa’d, and bedded,
\nAnd dining room setted,
\nAnd once got mahogany doored.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Fred Bortz: <\/p>\n

He insists, “No, my dear, I’m not bored.
\nIn fact, I would say that I scored.”
\nShe replies, “I’ve concluded
\nYou must be deluded.
\nIn less than a minute, you snored.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Will T. Laughlin:<\/p>\n

One day, when Jehovah was bored,
\nDeep shit on his servant he poured.
\nCried Job, in his pain,
\n\u201cI don\u2019t mean to complain,
\nBut you need a new hobby, O Lord!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Colleen Murphy: <\/p>\n

The newlywed said he was bored.
\nHis statement could not be ignored.
\nThe fellow, in truth,
\nHad wed Dr. Ruth.
\nShe preached what she could not accord.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ailsa McKillop: <\/p>\n

Oh, I was so heartily bored!
\nAs each actor received their award,
\nSuch thespian gush
\nHeard in reverent hush\u2014
\nTake me now, if it pleases you, Lord!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sue Dulley:<\/p>\n

In England, “I’m bawd” means they’re bored,
\nAnd when the tea’s “pawed” it’s been poured.
\nThey only say R’s
\nThat aren’t there (Mar and Pa’s).
\nIf you told them that’s flawed, they’d be floored.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Madeleine Maddocks:<\/p>\n

A woman felt terribly bored
\nBy each conquest she entered and scored.
\nOn a scale one to ten,
\nShe would judge all her men
\nWith a zero for any who snored!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: You could plead, if you sat on the board Of GM or Chrysler or Ford, That they set […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[3559,2525,2690,3523,3073,5009,5018,2402,3342,3369,3543,487,523],"class_list":["post-21426","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","tag-ailsa-mckillop","tag-colleen-murphy","tag-craig-dykstra","tag-fred-bortz","tag-jamie-hutchinson","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-madeleine-sara-maddocks","tag-steve-whitred","tag-sue-dulley","tag-will-t-laughlin","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contest"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21426","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21426"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21426\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21481,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21426\/revisions\/21481"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21426"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21426"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21426"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}