{"id":19939,"date":"2013-03-31T00:56:06","date_gmt":"2013-03-31T04:56:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/?p=19939"},"modified":"2013-03-31T17:18:57","modified_gmt":"2013-03-31T21:18:57","slug":"limerick-of-the-week-107","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2013\/03\/31\/limerick-of-the-week-107\/","title":{"rendered":"Limerick of the Week (107) (Updated)"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<\/p>\n

A bell-ringer, lusty and bold,
\nWished a lass in his arms to enfold.
\nBut a bell made of brass
\nFell and flattened his ass:
\nSaid the girl, \u201cNow his tail has been tolled!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who win the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:<\/p>\n

Spring is sprung, can the snow now please vanish,
\nAnd sunshine our discontent banish?
\nAs of now it makes sense
\nTo get ourselves hence
\nSomewhere warm where the people speak Spanish.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations to Sue Dulley, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<\/p>\n

A woman was terribly bold,
\nCatching looks on the street as she strolled.
\nShe made some eyes pop
\nIn a skimpy crop-top,
\nWith her jeans hanging low and be-holed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to Will T. Laughlin<\/a>, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.<\/p>\n

PRINTER\u2019S DEVIL (A typographical soap opera) <\/p>\n

There once was a Courier Bold
\nWho was, at Times, Roamin\u2019, I\u2019m told;
\nFor he had that Type Face
\nThat led gals to disgrace,
\nAnd his Serifs? A joy to behold.<\/p>\n

At the end of the line, smooth as talcum,
\nHe\u2019d find Widows and Orphans, and stalcum.
\nThen he\u2019d woo them a while
\nIn a Goudy Old Style,
\n\u2018Til at home he was no longer walcum.<\/p>\n

His wife Arial, sick with frustration,
\nWas burning with humiliation.
\n\u201cI\u2019ll Gill him!\u201d she cried,
\nAnd went flush on each side
\n(For she knew she had Justification).<\/p>\n

Her husband soon learned to beware her,
\nAnd went all italic in terror.
\nClaimed he, \u201cWhat you\u2019ve heard
\nIs completely absurd:
\nIt\u2019s a mere typographical error!\u201d<\/p>\n

But his wife cried, \u201cToo late! I don\u2019t care if
\nYou deny it, or call for the sheriff!\u201d
\nHer fury still burning,
\nShe tightened his kerning\u2026
\n(Her husband is now a Sans-Serif).\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Phyllis Sterling Smith a\/k\/a Granny Smith<\/a>, Johanna Richmond, Robert Schwarztrauber<\/a>, Tom Hale<\/a>, Charley Simmons, Colleen Murphy<\/a>, and Jared Wright. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<\/p>\n

Kathy El-Assal: <\/p>\n

Old Man Winter’s been blust’ry and bold,
\nCausing many complaints about cold:
\n“We miss seeing green
\nSo stop being mean
\nAnd let global warming unfold!”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Phyllis Sterling Smith: <\/p>\n

Spring flutters in, fabulous flirt,
\nFlicks winter’s last snows from her skirt.
\nReleased from storm’s prison,
\nOur garden hopes risen,
\nWe neighbors are sharing the dirt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Johanna Richmond: <\/p>\n

As metaphors go, this one\u2019s bold,
\nBut it\u2019s time, guys, our story is told.
\nYou want your gal peaking?
\nHold off headline seeking \u2013
\nThe best news is under the fold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Robert Schwarztrauber: <\/p>\n

A girl who was terribly bold,
\nPicked the pockets of men as she strolled.
\nThe men were all pleased
\nWhen their butt cheek got squeezed,
\n‘Til they found later on they’d been rolled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Tom Hale: <\/p>\n

A woman who frequently bowled,
\nGot frostbitten fingers\u2014that\u2019s cold.
\nSaid, \u201cI ain\u2019t defeated:
\nMy toes were well heated!\u201d
\nAnd boldly with tootsies she rolled.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Charley Simmons: <\/p>\n

A man who was terribly bold
\nRolled nine strikes in a row, I\u2019ve been told.
\nHe leaped in the air,
\nWith arrogant flair,
\nRacked his balls, now his game is on hold.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Colleen Murphy: <\/p>\n

The first time I went out and bowled
\nMy strike count, it tallied ten-fold.
\nMy shocked friends inquired
\nJust what had transpired.
\nI answered, \u201cWell, that\u2019s how I rolled!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jared Wright: <\/p>\n

A Catholic terribly bold
\nOne day from the pulpit extolled
\nThe Jacks and the Jills
\nWho didn’t use pills
\nAffirming their births uncontrolled.<\/p>\n

“And condoms one ought to refuse,”
\nHe added, expounding his views.
\n“Leave sex ‘open-ended’
\nThe way God intended,
\nDon’t ‘cover your head’ like the Jews!”<\/p>\n

But some of the women who heard
\nConsidered the teachings absurd.
\nSo when their brave knights
\nSought conjugal rights,
\nThe womenfolk boldly demurred.<\/p>\n

Still as we all know God endows
\nThe menfolk whom women espouse
\nWith failures to purge
\nThemselves of the urge,
\nOr add celibacy to their vows.<\/p>\n

So one may behold the effects
\nOf following @pontifex:
\nAs sure as my nose
\nThe Cath’lic Church grows
\nWhen billions of faithful have sex!\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<\/p>\n

In the next couple of minutes I\u2019ll be posting a new Limerick-Off<\/a>, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.<\/p>\n

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter<\/a>. Thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse: A bell-ringer, lusty and bold, Wished a lass in his arms to enfold. But a bell made […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,84,3270,1192,1983,65,42],"tags":[3420,2525,3562,2065,2543,5009,5018,2046,3521,3369,3522,3543,487,1194],"class_list":["post-19939","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contests","category-limerick-award-winners","category-limerick-competition","category-limerick-contest","category-limerick-of-the-week","category-limerick-writing-contest","category-limericks","tag-charley-simmons","tag-colleen-murphy","tag-jared-wright","tag-johanna-richmond","tag-kathy-el-assal","tag-limerick-contest","tag-limerick-of-the-week","tag-phyllis-sterling-smith","tag-robert-schwarztrauber","tag-sue-dulley","tag-tom-hale","tag-will-t-laughlin","tag-writing-competitions","tag-writing-contests"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19939","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19939"}],"version-history":[{"count":75,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19939\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20054,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19939\/revisions\/20054"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19939"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19939"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19939"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}