{"id":189,"date":"2007-08-01T02:38:02","date_gmt":"2007-08-01T06:38:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2007\/08\/01\/the-five-second-what\/"},"modified":"2010-02-03T20:16:10","modified_gmt":"2010-02-04T00:16:10","slug":"the-five-second-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/2007\/08\/01\/the-five-second-what\/","title":{"rendered":"The Five-Second What???"},"content":{"rendered":"

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.\u00a0 Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule”<\/a> until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.\u00a0 (And yes, we’re still married.)<\/p>\n

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid.<\/a> (Did you really need me — or the scientists —\u00a0to tell you that?)<\/p>\n

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date <\/em>instead of husband<\/em> to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

The Five-Second What???
\nBy Madeleine Begun Kane<\/p>\n

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
\n“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
\nAs he started to chew
\nOn his now blackened goo,
\nSaying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”<\/p>\n

=========<\/p>\n

(You can find more of my marriage humor here<\/a> and more of my food humor here<\/a>.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.\u00a0 Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.\u00a0 (And yes, we’re still married.) I naively assumed that Mark was the only […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[49,63,13,41,23,42,2,86,16,44,32,111],"tags":[1028,1022,1023,1026,380,1027,4936,1025,1024],"class_list":["post-189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-behavior-personality","category-dating-humor","category-family-humor","category-food-drink-humor","category-health-humor","category-limericks","category-marriage-humor","category-polls","category-relationship-humor","category-science-humor","category-social-satire","category-time-humor","tag-dating","tag-five-second-rule","tag-food-rules","tag-germs","tag-husbands","tag-marital-relationships","tag-science-humor","tag-scientific-studies","tag-scientists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=189"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1462,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/189\/revisions\/1462"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.madkane.com\/humor_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}