Posts Tagged ‘Crime & Punishment Humor’

Limerick Fall (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, November 24th, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who’d taken the fall…*

or

A gal was enjoying the fall…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Fall
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who’d taken the fall
For his boss got enraged, took an awl
And then spiked the guy’s head.
His boss is now dead.
All told, it’s a job-ending brawl.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Caveat Burglar (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 6th, 2013

This fellow tried to rob the wrong house:

Robyn Irvine, a former ax-throwing competitor living in Hemet, Calif., woke up when she heard a noise and saw the burglar trying to snatch her watch from her wrist, according to CBS Los Angeles.

Irvine quickly grabbed an ax, scaring the intruder.

Caveat Burglar (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear burglars, it’s time to face facts:
Preparation is key — don’t be lax.
You must research each job
To ensure folks you rob
Aren’t expert at lobbing an ax.

Limerick Peek (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, October 13th, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was sneaking a peek…*

or

A woman was showing her pique…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Peek
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A scent expert, sneaking a peek
At some formulas, heard a loud creak.
Though he hid just in time,
He was caught at his crime
When he farted, emitting a reek.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 18th, 2013

This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”

A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”

His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”

On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.

Observant Limerick

Tuesday, September 17th, 2013

My limerick was inspired by this news item:

Group of observant Brooklyn drug dealers told customers they were closed for Shabbat: The five men would text customers with warnings that they were about to stop dealing around sundown Friday, according to a criminal complaint…

“The men are accused of peddling heroin, oxycodone, cocaine and other drugs from their Bedford Ave. drug warehouse…”

Observant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you plan to sell drugs and break laws,
It seems God will forgive all your flaws,
And you won’t be a goner
So long as you honor
Shabbat with a crime-breaking pause.

Ruthless Limerick

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

Ruthless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A dentist who’s lacking in ruth
Worships money, possessions, and youth.
In his quest for all three,
His crimes guarantee
He’ll be jailed until long in the tooth.

No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)

Saturday, April 27th, 2013

No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”

Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:

1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”

2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”

Happy National Escape Day (Jan 30th) (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013

So, is everyone ready for National Escape Day (January 30th)? I didn’t think so.

Here’s a limerick to celebrate, although I’m pretty sure this isn’t the sort of “escape” the holiday founders had in mind:

No Escape (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A felon was trying to run,
But his plan to escape was undone:
He tripped and he fell,
Tumbling into a well.
Never run while you’re under the gun.

How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

The 9-1-1 emergency number has become so common, you’d think people would know when (and when not) to use it. But apparently not.

How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The 9-1-1 number is meant
For a notably urgent event.
Don’t call to report
A stale pizza or torte…
Or hamsters that breed sans consent.

(Using 911 to report a lion sighting in Virginia is probably okay … even if it turns out to be just a labradoodle groomed to look like a lion.)