MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

I worked as a lawyer for over a dozen years, but I’ve never been a judge.  And that’s probably just as well.  Because my rulings might sound something like this:

If I Were A Judge…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your argument doesn’t make sense.
It’s absurd and illogical. Hence,
I must find for the plaintiff.
You’ve lost this insane tiff.
You simply don’t have a defense.

Both Totally Optional Prompts and Miss Rumphius prompt poets to write as somebody else this week.  So I’ve posted as an ornery judge … instead of my usual ornery self. 

And speaking of prompts, there’s still time to participate in my walking-related prompt.

Technorati Tags: Judge Humor, Legal Arguments Humor, Judicial Poetry, Law Verse

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is walking. First, my limerick:

Ode To A New York City Walk Signal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Oh WALK light, you change way too fast.
Your pedestrian green doesn’t last.
You force me to run
Cross the street, which ain’t fun.
So thanks for this cumbersome cast.

And now, my walking-related haiku:

Solitary stroll
To escape the telephone.
Cell phone outsmarts me.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about walking. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

NOTE: My Ode To A New York City Walk Signal limerick is an apostrophe.  And no, I’m not referring to a punctuation mark.  Miss Rumphius tells us that an “apostrophe is a poem which directly addresses a person or thing that is generally absent.” So I thought I’d address one to a walk signal that’s tormented my husband and me for years.

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your walking-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Walking Humor, Pedestrians, Traffic Lights, Poetry Prompts, Cell Phones, Solitude, Traffic Signals, Poetry Forms, Apostrophe

This week’s challenge over at 3WW is to write something that uses these three words: Apology, Consider, and Distant. Here’s my limerick:

Rejected Apology
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your apology isn’t enough.
You always act distant and gruff.
You never consider
My feelings.  I’m bitter.
So stuff it.  Enough with your guff!

And speaking of challenges, there’s still time to participate in my time-themed poetry prompt.

Technorati Tags: Apology Limerick, Argument Verse, Relationship Poems, Writing Prompts

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is time. First, my limerick:

No Time To Say Hello, Goodbye…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m late and I can’t miss this train!
It’s arrived, and I’m here, yet in vain:
I must climb down these stairs,
But some guys, broad as bears,
Have me blocked—all my plans down the drain.

And now it’s time for my time-related haiku:

Time passes too fast.
I’d surely bitch about it,
If I just had time.

And now it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about time. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your time-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Poetry Prompts, Time Pressures, Train Travel, Commuting Humor

Romance — A Foreign Concept?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Instead of your long-winded rants,”
Says the gal, “I’d prefer some romance.”
Then her husband replies
With a glint in his eyes:
“Tell me, where do you think you are — France?”

(Inspired by the “Romance” prompt over at Totally Optional Prompts. And speaking of prompts, there’s still time to give my “bad jobs” prompt a try.)

Technorati Tags: Romantic Verse, Romance Limerick, Relationships and Marriage Humor, France, Foreign Concepts

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is bad jobs. Why? Because everyone I know has had at least one really awful job. As for me, I’ve had more bad jobs than I’d care to remember. So here’s a pair of poems about two of them.  First, my limerick about substitute teaching:

In my twenties I substitute taught.
‘Tis a challenging job and it’s fraught;
All those calls before dawn
To instruct devil’s spawn
Made me anxious, uptight—overwrought.

And now, my haiku about working in a discount department store:

Discount lingerie:
Folded, painstakingly shelved.
Soon to be litter.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about bad jobs. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your bad jobs-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Bad Jobs, Employment Humor, Job Limerick, Substitute Teaching, Department Store, Discount Lingerie, Shoppers, School Humor, Education Limerick

Before I get to today’s limerick and haiku theme, I want to thank you for the many kind comments and emails concerning my father’s death.  I was very touched by your thoughtfulness. 

My latest limerick and haiku prompt topic is absent-mindedness and memory. First, my limerick:

“Please help me! I really need aid,”
Said a lady who looked quite afraid.
“Seems I can’t find my purse,
And, perhaps, even worse
It appears that my maid’s been mislaid.”

And now, my haiku:

Memorized data—
Still there, but hard to access.
Mulltiple choice brain.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about absent-mindedness and/or memory. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. (Due to my late posting, this prompt will be open through February 14th.)

If you want to keep up to date with my poetry prompts, you can subscribe to either my entire blog feed or just to my limerick and haiku prompt topic feed.

Technorati Tags: Absent-mindedness Humor,  Memory, Losing Things Limerick, Behavior Humor, Personality Humor, Brain

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is decisions and indecision.  First, my limerick:

If there’s one thing I cannot abide,
It is people who cannot decide
What to eat, where to go,
Hot or cold, fast or slow.
Do you think I should take it in stride?

And now, my haiku:

Postponing decisions
Eliminates your options:
Fate accompli.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about decisions or indecision. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

NOTE: Thanks to the few of you who have been joining in on the limerick and haiku prompt fun. But I’m beginning to wonder if it makes sense to continue these prompts, with so few people participating.

I’m not sure what the problem is. Lack of publicity? The themes? The difficulty in writing limericks? If anyone has any suggestions as to how to widen the appeal of these prompts, I’d appreciate your posting them in the comments section. Thanks!

UPDATE: Although I usually post prompts every Friday, my current prompt will remain open until February 1st because I’ll be traveling.

If you want to keep up to date with my poetry prompts, you can subscribe to either my entire blog feed or just to my limerick and haiku prompt topic feed.

Technorati Tags: Decision Humor, Indecisiveness Limerick, Personality Satire, Behavior Haiku

Trash Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

On  trash day I set a tv
On the curb and before I could flee,
A neighborhood jerk
Yelled, “How well does it work?”
Guess he wanted a signed guaranty.

Streets lined with garbage:
Discarded chairs, broken lamps.
Scavengers’ treasure.

(Prompted by  Easy Street’s To the Curb and Writer’s Island Treasure.)

Technorati Tags: Garbage Humor, Annoying Neighbors,  Trash Poems, Scavenger Verse, Sanitation Day Satire

Miss Dating? Not me!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Before I was married I dated
Hardly ever, cause dating I hated.
Then I met hubby Mark,
Which created a spark.
Elated, we dated and mated.

(For more date-related poems, visit Sunday Scribblings)

NOTE: If you like to write limericks or haiku, give my new poetry prompt a try.  My latest topic is right on the money.

Technorati Tags: Date Humor, Dating Limerick, Sunday Scribblings,

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is money. First, my limerick:

I once balanced my checkbook with ease.
But, alas, it’s no longer a breeze.
Where is each canceled check?
Banking statements are dreck.
Are they trying to hide all those fees?

And now my haiku:

“People want change,”
Claim presidential candidates.
I’d prefer twenties.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about money. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Technorati Tags: Money Verse, Banking Statements, Checkbook Humor, Financial Poetry, Banking Limerick

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is lies and deception. First, my limerick: 

“Your excuse simply can’t be believed.
You’re a liar! I feel quite deceived,”
Said the gal, as she wept,
To her lover, who’d slept
With her mother. (I guess she was peeved.)

And now, my haiku:

People who maintain
That they are always honest
Are surely lying.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about lies and deception. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Technorati Tags: Lies, Deception, Betrayal, Relationship Haiku, Lover’s Quarrel

Ode To A Greedy Squirrel
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A squirrel who wanted some food
Did something I’d call rather rude:
He squeezed into a cage,
Ate the bird feed — not sage.
Now his tummy’s too fat to extrude.

Note: This limerick is based on a British news story about a greedy squirrel that squeezed through the bars of a “squirrel-proof” bird feeder and “gorged on so many nuts it could not squeeze back out through the bars.” The squirrel remained trapped inside, until an RSPCA Inspector used a crow-bar and grasper to widen the gap between two of the bars. 

(You can find more of my pet and animal humor here and you’ll find more animal related poetry here.)

Technorati Tags: Squirrel Humor, Greedy Squirrels, Funny Wildlife, Weekend Wordsmith

Sorry for the late post!  My father’s very ill, and I’ve been traveling between New York and North Carolina. 

Today’s limerick and haiku themes are wine and spirits or the New Year or, if you prefer, both. Here’s my wine and spirits limerick: 

The bartender offered cheap brandy.
“No fine cognac?” I whined—wasn’t handy.
So I had to decline,
Mulled and ordered dry wine—
Told the barkeep, “Your cab tastes like candy!”

Here’s a wine snob haiku, the first of today’s two haiku:

Decant, sniff, sip, spit—
Wine connoisseur’s ritual.
I’d rather just drink.

And here’s a haiku that combines both themes:

Champagne bubbles dance.
Spirited revelers toast.
A new year’s welcomed.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about today’s theme(s). When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here. And you can find my New Year’s Resolutions humor here.)

Technorati Tags: new years, cognac, brandy, wine snob humor, wine and spirits, champagne

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is love at first sight or, if you prefer, simply love. Here’s my love at first sight limerick: 

Amoré Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

‘Twas amoré (yes, love) at first sight
When I met my dear husband that night.
We’ve been wed thirty years—
So much laughter, some tears.
Mark, my husband, remains Mr. Right. 

And here’s my haiku on the same theme:

I laughed at the thought
Of love at first sight, but our
Love had the last laugh.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about love at first sight or some other love-related topic. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your love verse, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Technorati Tags: Limerick and Haiku Prompts, Love Poetry,  Romance Limerick,  Marriage Verse, Love At First Sight, Poetry Prompts, Romance Poem, Amoré

Welcome to my 2nd Poetry Prompt. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) on this week’s theme, which is Multitasking. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your multitasking-related verse, using Mr. Linky.

Here’s my multitasking limerick, which was inspired by this news story: Runny Pasta Sauce Nabs Hit And Run Driver.

Just Desserts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s risky to drive while you eat,
Most especially pasta with meat:
Slurping red sauce is rash—
You might very well crash
And leave evidence trails head to feet.

And here’s my multitasking themed haiku:

Lectured to not do
Two things at once, he obeyed
And always did three.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

Technorati Tags: Limerick and Haiku Prompts, Multitasking Humor, Automobile Humor, Food Verse, Car Limerick, Poetry Prompts, Driving Poetry

One Car Guaranty I’d Gladly Forgo
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Those dents seem to come right on cue
A few days from your auto’s debut.
A scratch or a nick
Will show up mighty quick.
How do dents know your car’s spanking new?

(You can find more of my car and driving humor here.)

(Inspired by this dent prompt.)

NOTE: There’s still time to give my first limerick and haiku prompt a try.

Technorati Tags: car limerick, automobile humor, auto guaranty, car dents

I’ve been having so much fun drawing inspiration from poetry prompts, that I thought I’d launch my own.  And since I’m seriously (and unseriously) into limericks and haiku, I’m focusing on those two forms.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) on this week’s theme: Annoying Advice.  When your poem’s taken root, please return to this post and add a direct link to your themed poem using Mr. Linky.  

Here’s my Annoying Advice limerick:

Chin Up
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Keep your chin up, and things will be fine.
Just act brave. Do not bitch, flinch, or whine.
You have the right stuff.
You just have to hang tough.”
Does anyone fall for that line? 

And here’s my Annoying Advice haiku:

When somebody says
“You sure you want to do that?”
Doubt perversely fades.

Technorati Tags: Limerick and Haiku Prompts, Poetry Prompts, Annoying Advice

Weathering New York Weather
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The weather outside isn’t nice,
And the walks are all covered with ice.
I seem to recall
That it’s technic’ly fall.
Would I leave New York City? No dice!

(You can find more of my seasonal (and holiday) humor here and more of my New York humor here.)

For more ice-inspired writing visit Inspire Me Thursday.

Technorati Tags: Seasonal Humor, Weather Poetry, Cold Autumn, Chilly Fall, New York City

Yes, I know this is supposed to be a humor blog.  But this “misspent youth” poetry prompt inspired me to write a serious limerick:

Misspent Youth?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We tend to be charmed and beguiled
By a talented prodigy child—
One who labors all day
With his gifts on display,
Stifling youth, which is meant to be wild.

Technorati Tags: Child Prodigy Verse, Talented Kids, Misspent Youth