Limerick Scene (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was making a scene…*
or
A fellow who liked being seen…*
or
A woman was making the scene…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Scene
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was making a scene,
Shouting phrases obscene and quite mean,
At a wedding, alas—
His own! Horse’s ass!
That groom’s surely losing his sheen.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Cursing Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Wedding Humor, Writing Prompts
Now Kermit was making a scene
Cause Miss Piggy was seeing Chuck Sheen
And the froggies round town
Were such boring brown
So you see it ain’t easy bein’ green,
A fellow was making the scene
With a woman named Ms. Paula Deen
She was loud, she was brash
It turned out she was trash
In the end, he felt fairly unclean
A woman was making the scene
In a sailor’s bawdy canteen.
She worked up a big thirst
Then said who’ll be first
To buy me a drink, I’m eighteen.
A fellow who liked to be seen
In a mirror would primp, fuss and preen.
To the ladies shocked sight.
His hair was a fright.
He looked like Marie the French queen.
A fellow was making a scene
About water containing benzene
It came from Elk River
Polluted his liver
And turned his poor spleen a blue green.
The Invisible Man made a scene
When invited to visit the Queen.
His fearfulness looming,
He took pains with his grooming,
Though all she would see was a sheen.
It is hard, as I’m sure you have seen,
To decipher and know what words mean.
There’s a word that I know
Which means “hide,” also “show,”
Contradictory meanings of “screen.”
A woman was making the scene..
Sheer, skimpy clothes were her mien-
The cops mistook her
For being a hooker,
She got arrested for being obscene.
A woman was making a scene:
The Red Bull had too much caffeine.
She bounced off the walls,
While making cat-calls.
It was quite a sight to be seen.
A woman was making the scene
Of chapels, including Sistine.
“It’s too high, I can’t see,
And I paid a big fee!”
That she should have foreseen.
A woman was making the scene,
hoping so to be hailed a pop queen;
she would elbow on stage,
incite restless outrage,
get booed-off in taunts most saline.
A fellow who liked to be seen,
had unfortunate teeth like baleen;
when he smiled at the girlies,
they shrank from his pearlies,
assuming his lack of hygiene.
A fellow was making a scene,
high hopping on his trampoline;
the problem was dealing,
with a very low ceiling,
plaster cracked, his KO foreseen.
A fellow was making a scene,
His girl said “I swear I am clean.
And you have to believe,
This new Summer’s Eve,
Fragrance is really Sardine.”
A New Yorker was making a scene
While in London to visit the Queen.
It had been overlooked
That he’d been double booked–
Superbowl is where he should have been.
A new girl arrived on the scene
On Super Bowl Sunday she screamed
Boo Broncos, Screw Hawks
At Football she balks
The Clydesdales were clearly her Team
Now Jack Spratt was making a scene
Cause his Missus was eating no lean
So he “cut sick” one day
And cut off her pay
And she said “Jack you’re so jolly mean”.
A fellow was making a scene
At the Super Bowl, venting his spleen.
The Seahawks were flying,
The Broncos were dying,
Not the way it was sposed to have been.
A teen girl we know made a scene
(the imitable drama queen)
We don’t know what occurred
‘Cause her vocab was blurred
With “whatevers!” “Likes…” and “&*$#!s” (Obscene)
A fellow was recently seen
on the painted lines in between
the I-5’s two lanes
and his great stomach pains
made his poop emerge highway sign green!
To Jesse:
That fellow so recently seen
On the highway (which he painted green)
Was heard to say “F%%K”
When along came a truck
And embellished a quite murky scene.
Film director is shooting some scenes
Of a scientist altering genes.
Calvin Klein paid him well
For his work. Now they sell
His invention: designer genes.
Said a Gay just new on the scene
Mixed marriage these days is obscene
I would rather instead
Spend the time in my bed
With the backsides of Tom, Dick and Dean.
The mistrustful wife made a scene
She grabbed hubby’s crotch unforeseen
“Now you’ve put your schlong”
“Where it doesn’t belong”
“And now I will make you come clean”
A young hopeful was shooting a scene
With a veteran porn movie queen.
He passed the audition
In every position–
Coming places where he’d never been.
A woman was making the scene
Had not professed to be forgiving
Lashed out on those
Who dared to oppose
But a soft spot for one timid being
Hank
A Seahawk was making the scene
At the Superbowl he’d never been
And he was riled up
And said we’re gonna Whup
That rascally proud Bronco team
Oh, they bicker! True grammarist scene—
Out of six, only one intact spleen!
As they verbally maul
The poor word “overhaul,”
Fearsome sound! First career, then careen!
Asked a porn star while filming a scene
With some Hobbits in suits of moss green,
“Can one buy hairy dildos?
Cause there’s no dick like Bilbo’s–
Shampooed and brushed out as it’s been.”
a fellow was making a scene
trying to limerick with gleen
he cant count a lick
those syllables slick
out his ear did pour steam
ha
Said a porn star while filming a scene
With two Hobbits betwixt and between,
“I do dig dicks and dildos
All hairy like Bilbo’s–
Shampooed and brushed out and dyed green.”
*Mad: Hobbit rewrite. “been” was a poor rhyme. thx.
A fellow was being obscene –
His humour was from the latrine:
Those sent round the bend
Made it come to an end
When flushed with success he had been.
Kirk Miller’s one would be great if ‘designer-type genes’ had been used?
A fellow was making a scene,
When partaking of nouvelle cuisine.
“The portions are so small
They’re not there at all,
You can’t even see where they’ve been.”
A fellow had made quite a scene
In the bath with his girlfriend Nadine.
After hot, soapy thrashing
Away he was dashing.
He dumped her, and got away clean.
When the doctor appeared on the scene,
The patient had turned a bright green.
Said the doc to his wife,
“I’m afraid it’s for life,
But he’ll still be a great human bean.”
The Poet was making a scene:
“There’s a corpse in my best Hippocrene!
What lunatic swine
Could have drowned in my wine?”
Grumbled Keats, “He’s a true Gadarene!”
The TSA agent on scene
Was ogling the xray machine:
Saw a ring in her nose
Some bling on her toes
And two bouncy gems in between
A woman was filming a scene
With a battery-powered machine.
And although good vibrations
Can give excitations,
That’s *not* what those song lyrics mean.
Old Steptoe in one movie scene
Had dentures a foul shade of green
Seems when drunk had to spew
Lost his teeth down the loo
And found these in the latrine
A blonde in the usual dumb scene
Requested her bath filled with cream
Said the milkman, surprised,
“Do you want it pasteurised ?”
She said,”Just to my jugs would be keen.”
Big Loser arrived on the Scene
Taking Jillians pills of caffeine
They Called her a “COW”
But seeing her now
They”re Outraged The Heifer’s so Lean
A fellow who recently scene
With his head in a public latrine
Said “I know I don’t oughta
Drink this sorta water
But the coffee’s like Camels urine”
To Confession he arrived on the scene
Admitting shagging of twins 16
But the Priest said, “If you,
State address of these two
We’ll forget that here you’ve been
He was making Porn Movie scenes
Involving nude models and queens
This continual exposure
Upset his composure
Resulting in many wet dreams
A fat lady was making a scene
With curses and language obscene
Then with one final flip
She did up her zip
But twas then jeans burst at a seam.
Pauline had been making the scene
About which her Sis wasn’t keen:
“You take any chump”
“And upon you they jump”
“It’s like you’re a tramp, Pauline”
“The funniest thing that I’ve seen,”
Said a poultry producer named Gene,
“Was one night on the farm,
We received false alarm;
Fox in henhouse cried wolf, caused a scene.”
The diners were making a scene
‘Bout a fly in their fish soup tureen.
I can understand why:
It’s a Bluebottle fly,
And with fish soup, you always serve Green.
Joaquin had trashed the bar scene
Whiskey had turned the man mean
Said his wife: “In the car!”
“You’ve pissed off this bar!”
“It’s best if you’re not seen Joaquin”
A Monument-al Error
George, are you C-looney?! I’ve seen
Your star-cast disaster, obscene :(
Song, banter: waste! Jarring,
W”arT”wo-lite – quite marring
The promise of what could have been.
Cate Blanchett, “Men” ‘s one saving grace
Lent much needed gravitas. Face
It, that time was no picnic;
In future, you might stick
To acting, a suitable place.
A Whirling Dervish arrived on the scene
And began to spin and careen
But whirled round so fast
Vanished up his own arse
Never again to be seen.
When Goldilocks arrived on the scene
Father Bear in his eye had a gleam
Mother Bear warned and said,
“Touch that blonde and your dead.”
So confined himself to a wet dream.”
At the airport, a pat-down is seen.
The procedure is good, not obscene.
TSA handles folks
With kid gloves, so one jokes
That the pat-down’s a real touching scene.
A woman was making a scene
For a film of two jacks and a queen.
The two she beguiled
Blathered on rather wild
In debate on betwixt and between.
Alfred Hitchcock framed many a scene
And in his movies you’d spot his old bean
The tension is immense
With no room for coincidence
For the stars of the old silver screen
An old Hooker was recalling the scene
When young and she was nineteen
Walking the streets
Doing kinks and deadbeats
And her first head job on a Dean.
A young Preacher new on the scene
Was shagging the wife of the Dean
She said later, “Your hot,
And seven times is a lot
But the Vicar’s record is thirteen
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 151.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Frayed Limerick.
The Athenian dramatist’s scene
Brought a god from an onstage machine.
But — it pains me to say it — he
Hired the wrong deity,
And Vishnu just won’t intervene.