Limerick Stews (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who frequently stews…*


A woman who frequently stews…*


A fellow who likes to eat stews…*


A woman who likes to eat stews…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Stews
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A bootmaker grouses and stews
And grumbles while guzzling his booze.
He’ll beef day and night:
Seems his wife loves to fight,
And her meat dishes taste just like shoes.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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100 Responses to “Limerick Stews (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Craig says:

    An actor I know often stews
    That his videos don’t get more views.
    Then he did a drunk dance
    But forgot to wear pants –
    Now he’s featured on CNN News.

  2. A fellow who frequently stews
    Over which style condom to use.
    He can’t make a selection
    To adorn his erection
    So his wife fills the time with a snooze.

  3. McGuire says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    drowns his anger in glasses of booze.
    He thinks and he thinks,
    and he drinks and he drinks,
    and listens to Fox for the news.

  4. I love your rhymes! I thought about doing something with booze, but in the end I didn’t. Here’s mine.

    A creature who frequently stews
    Is certainly worthy of news
    Soggy’s his name
    Cuisine is his game
    He stirs the pot while playing the blues

  5. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman who frequently stews
    Over trifles, set-backs and bad news
    Should try meditation
    ‘Twould be her salvation
    Letting harmony her being suffuse

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman who frequently stews
    And always her Crock-Pot will use
    Proves slow cooking all day
    (Unlike a soufflé!)
    Means your meat requires fewer chews.

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A gourmet who likes to eat stews
    Claims for flavour to fully infuse
    The herbs, leaves of bay
    Must be plucked dawn of day
    Barefoot in the morn’s grassy dews

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A vegan who likes to eat stews
    (So meat, fish and dairy eschews)
    Said “Don’t be judgemental
    That I favour the lentil
    And wear polyurethane shoes”

  9. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A Briton who frequently stews
    Lamb hot-pot – no garlic or booze –
    Says what makes him blench
    Is posh cookery (French)
    (Dare he serve English fare in Toulouse …?)

  10. yt cai says:

    When angry Vesuvius stews
    Its smoke and hot lava spews
    the scared folks of Pompeii
    well remember the day
    An eruption headlined the news

  11. yt cai says:

    An Inn that’s most famous for stews
    Was a place fine diners would choose
    for food that’s full bod
    from chef Sweeney Todd
    It’s parts were much more than what moos

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who likes to eats stews
    Dined with a six pack of brews
    The result he’d predict
    Such a mix would inflict
    A belly full of really bad news.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A woman who likes to eat stews
    ‘Cause it helped her to deal with the blues.
    She ate at a diner
    Along with a miner
    Whose advances she couldn’t refuse.

  14. Chris Papa says:

    A loveless lady who stews,
    Decided her life to infuse
    With semblance of sex,
    Will with pleasure flex,
    From a thrumming dildo she’d use.

  15. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    ‘Bout a gal who mailed him bad news
    Says he wasn’t Dear Johned
    No this news from the blond
    Said the stick with her stuff just gives her the blues.

  16. Craig says:

    Two French painters, but one often stews.
    To the other he offers his views:
    Oh Monsieur Lautrec
    All I paint is such dreck!
    I fear I’ve got nothing, Toulouse. 

  17. Fred Bortz says:

    A restaurant served only stews
    With many odd flavors to choose.
    But business went down
    When folks in the town
    Discovered their zoo’s down two gnus.

  18. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    Had recently begun singing the blues
    Doing both at once
    Turned him into a dunce
    As “man burns down hotel” makes the news

  19. yt cai says:

    There was a convention of Stu’s
    Assembled to exchange their views
    the setting was Vegas
    with topic of haggis
    Taste testing caused numerous spews

  20. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who frequently stews,
    Gets worse when he’s had too much booze.
    It will soon overtake him.
    It’s best not to wake him.
    Just let him enjoy a long snooze.

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman most frequently stews
    Over guys who are strung out on booze;
    “They’re rude and they’re crude,
    Disgusting and lewd,
    A bunch of repulsive yahoos!”

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    A vegan who likes to eat stews,
    Only organic will choose.
    She knows that one’s health,
    Is one’s only true wealth.
    So all toxic foods she eschews.

  23. Judith H. Block says:

    An artist who frequently stewed
    Over poor quality paints he eschewed,
    Said, “What is this dreck?
    My name is Lautrec!
    It’s my reputation Toulouse.”

  24. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    On the stuff that he hears on Fox News
    Switched over with glee
    To M S N B C
    Or channels with no leaning views.

  25. Craig says:

    So this guy I know loves to date stews
    (Flight attendant’s the term he should use)
    He’s so good at the tango,
    The Mile High Fandango,
    For the rest of the flight it’s free booze!

  26. Diane Groothuis says:

    Mrs Murphy could make some good stews
    Though it might be a “chowder” to youse
    Someone tried to enhance
    The flavour with pants
    And nobody ever knew whose.

  27. Mark Kane says:

    K-Paul, who just loved to cook stews,
    Would infuse them with roux, laced with booze.
    And the hot “Second Line?”
    They would eat it just fine,
    As they strutted with Mardis Gras krewes.

  28. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    Tries to calm down with smoking and booze
    A bad combination –
    Result: conflagration!
    And a fire engine, with blues and twos!

  29. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A Scotsman who likes to eat stews
    Made of tumshies and tatties and ewes
    Deep-fried it in batter
    But he upset the platter
    And it ended up all down his trews

  30. Andy Sewina says:

    A woman who likes to cook stews
    goes upstairs to count all her shoes
    Imelda she’s not
    but soul food she’s got
    Or is it sole food that she brews

  31. yt cai says:

    Father John who listens to stews
    Was told sins he often misconstrues
    outside confessional
    wasn’t professional
    Evinced by gossip heard in the pews

  32. Dean Deters says:

    A fellow who frequently stews,
    When he reads the partisan news
    Posts thoughts on his wall,
    So friends can read all
    But there’s some who don’t share his views.

  33. Dean Deters says:

    A fellow who likes to eat stews,
    Thought his girlfriend he should amuse.
    He thought if she laughed,
    He wouldn’t look daft
    So he spiked the crock pot with booze.

  34. Mark Kane says:

    Obama so quietly stews,
    As this Congress belittles his views.
    The grand deal can’t be made,
    With a snake in the shade.
    Is there no end to POTUS’s fuse?

  35. Rosanna says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    Says he does it to satisfy his muse.
    He plans in advance
    As if it were a dance
    And watches attentively as his muse chews.

  36. Peggy often will ridicule Stu’s
    Double-wide that he parks in The Mews
    In his boots of faux ‘gator
    He calls his dad pater
    But heavens he’s suave when he screws

  37. yt cai says:

    I’m watching as treasurer stews
    Lew and Lew are late with their dues
    Lew said he’d pay them both
    Lew relied on his oath
    Out the door went Lew with two-due-Lew

  38. Tim James says:

    A woman whose job was to sell stews
    Was looking for new words to use.
    “Gallimaufry”? “Ragout”?
    People had not a clue!
    Now being too clever she rouxs.

  39. A fellow was in a fine stew
    And he did not know what to do
    It was getting hot
    In the cannibal’s pot
    If he didn’t get out he was through.

  40. rbasler says:

    A woman who liked to make stews
    Found that cookbooks could often confuse
    She didn’t know boeuf
    And instead, added oeuf
    Her bourguignon tended to ooze

  41. Edmund Conti says:

    A woman friend frequently stews
    On a gentleman caller who woos
    With his hat in his hand
    Or on his hard gland.
    A hat rack that’s sure to bemuse.

  42. colonialist says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    Subjected his stove to abuse –
    When power it blew,
    As often ‘twould do,
    He’d say, ‘I won’t stop – I re-fuse!’

  43. Craig says:

    At the World Cup of Chowders and Stews
    The judges wrote up their reviews.
    Though they loved the cioppino
    From San Bernadino,
    The win went to Cusco, Peru’s.

  44. Tim James says:

    Edited for meter…

    A gal with a job selling stews
    Was looking for new words to use.
    “Gallimaufry”? “Ragout”?
    People hadn’t a clue!
    Now being too clever she rouxs.

  45. Tom Harris says:

    A woman, who likes to eat, stews
    Over which foods she ought to choose.
    She’s shunned all that’s fatty,
    It’s driven her batty,
    Now she often dines on just booze.

  46. Mark Kane says:

    When they bicker, she yells and he stews.
    Then he’ll sulk off and just play the blues.
    Drawn to music, she’ll dance,
    Tempting him with romance.
    Soon they strip and enjoy what ensues.

  47. Tom Harris says:

    A fellow who often cooks stews,
    Is known to toss in many clues
    From his criminal past
    Which would leave you aghast,
    Such as leather from his old shoes.

  48. Sue Dulley says:

    A woman quite frequently stews
    Whenever she hears on the news
    Of Hs and Ns
    And Ones, Fives and Tens
    That add up to trendy new flus.

  49. Sue Dulley says:

    Started on April 13 /14, finished on April 15

    A road racer frequently stews
    ‘Bout long pre-race queues for the loos.
    If you don’t get to go
    It can make your run slow
    But there’s clearly much more you could lose.

  50. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fella who likes to eat stews
    But” her” cooking is very bad news
    “I don’t know what’s in it
    You’ll see in a minute”
    He overindulges then spews.

  51. Sue Dulley says:

    A poet symbolic’ly stews
    ‘Bout whether to write clerihews
    Or long comic verse
    Or limericks terse
    Or haikus or (pause) senryus.

  52. A chicken who frequently stews
    About stews that to her are bad news:
    “There went sister and mother
    But I WON’T be another!
    If I’m called to be served, I refuse!”

  53. Tony says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    over articles heard on the news
    finally lost the plot
    when he learned who had got
    all the benefit of tax revenues.

    Hi Mad,
    dropping in from dVerse OLN 92.

  54. Misky says:

    I love that! So cute and funny.

  55. A woman who frequently stews
    Over some of the facts in the news
    Should watch her b.p.
    Give up sugar in tea
    And be careful to stay clear of queues.

    boom boom!

    love love limericks…oh and stew too!!

  56. Heaven says:

    I don’t know how to write limericks ~ Just dropping by to say hi ~

  57. A fellow who frequently stews
    About social constraints and taboos
    Oft’ reveals that he’s hip
    As the fringe of his slip
    Closely matches his D’Orsay pump shoes

  58. Akila says:

    A woman who frequently stews
    To do, to be, on views
    Losing the mind, once of her own
    She wobbles in her night gown
    Looking to live on cues.

  59. heidi says:

    A woman who dated two Stu’s
    was caught and then forced to choose
    she agreed it was some
    vexing conundrum
    and decided to only date Lou’s.

  60. heidi says:

    Before me, so many stews!
    A buffet with so much to chose
    that I did overeat
    what happened-not sweet.
    Clothes ruined as my stomach spews.

  61. Sherry says:

    A woman who frequently stews
    at the chaos around her she views
    will seldom grow calm
    and accept as psyche balm
    any attempts by her man to amuse.

  62. Sue Dulley says:

    The beef that I cook in my stews
    Is some of the best you can use.
    It began as a steer
    In a field near to here
    Eating grain and enjoying the views.

  63. Sue Dulley says:

    I frequently pepper my stews,
    (Which I jokingly call witch’s brews)
    With curry-type spice –
    It’s nice served with rice,
    Mango chutney and your choice of booze.

  64. Kristan Johnson says:

    One poor lad who liked to eat stews
    and toss back a number of brews
    had a problem you see
    always having to pee
    And could never stray far from the loos.

  65. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A vicar who likes to cook stews
    For amusing soirées with a schmooze
    Finds despite his endeavour
    There’s no increase whatever
    In attendance on Sunday in the pews

  66. The agnostic who frequently stews
    Over Muslims and Christians and Jews
    Buddhists, Hindus and Sikhs
    And evangelist freaks
    Sees they’ve all got the same don’ts and dues

  67. JasonKing says:

    I like your rhymes! I thought about doing something with wine, but in the end I didn’t as I had to sit and dine with a friend named Brian. Here’s mine.

    “A mate who loves to eat stews
    But he is practically of no use
    He tells us not to be so cynical
    We tell him to get a bit more sensible
    And wears some second-hand ugg shoes”

  68. Kathleen Cole says:

    A woman who frequently stews
    On celebrity gossip in the news,
    Weeping profusely,
    She blabs obtusely,
    While all the rest of us snooze.

  69. Ira Bloom says:

    A Westboro Baptist who stews,
    Over pro-choicers, homos and Jews,
    Is so quick to recite,
    Lists of whom God will smite,
    That he’s going to hell for his views.

  70. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow who comes when he stews,
    Makes a point to date nothing but shrews.
    Asked if he could abide
    With a nun he replied:
    “I don’t mind, if she has a short fuse.”

  71. Sue Dulley says:

    A purist for poetry stews
    Over how to write proper haikus.
    I’m not even sure
    If ‘haikus’ is the plur-
    al, or is it like ‘sheep’? (but not ‘ewes’).

    The best part of writing haiku
    Is rhyming – there’s no need to stew
    Over whether, say, ‘led’
    Rhymes with ‘lead’ or ‘misled’
    You can use any words that will fit.

  72. The chef makes his soups and his stews
    To reflect his success as he woos.
    Clear broth’s on our plates
    If their love consommé-tes…
    Cock-a-leekie, if she should refuse.

  73. When I’m cooking one of my stews,
    It always turns horrible hues;
    And the smell brings to mind
    Something awful you’d find
    In the bilge of a Carnival Cruise.

  74. (out-of-competition — inexact rhyme word)

    Who’ll save us from mad Doctor Stew
    As he steals the world’s soups? Who? Oh, who?
    Look! Up in the sky!
    It’s a bird! It’s a fly!
    It’s… SOUPERMAN! (He’ll have to do.)

  75. (out-of-competition — variation on Craig’s post)

    A chef sent out specialty stews
    To the critics who wrote bad reviews.
    He put in the chowder
    White arsenic powder…
    You’ll hear all the rest on the news.

  76. JulesPaige says:

    A fellow who likes to eat stews
    Also likes to bask in his home brews
    Wines and beers with aplomb
    Shares ‘em with Dad and Mom
    And with anyone else that he’ll choose


  77. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    Whenever he reads the days news.
    Of the world’s sorry plight,
    That try as he might,
    He can’t keep from getting the blues.

  78. The murkiness in my head stews
    While I labor to locate my muse
    All the lim’ricks this week
    Are beyond my critique
    Mad will pick one but we don’t know whose

  79. There are times I don’t like to eat stews
    And there’s days that I can’t stand the news
    You’ll continue to fight
    For what you think is right
    It’s a shame, but some battles you’ll lose

  80. A fellow who likes to make stews
    Has a recipe he’ll often use
    If he’s judged he agrees
    That the secret is he’s
    Reduced beef stock a while In his rouxes

  81. Charley Simmons says:

    A woman who likes to eat stews,
    listens to jazz while she chews.
    Keeps the beat with her feet,
    While she gobbles the meat
    And washes it all down with booze.

  82. A fellow who frequently stews
    The soles of other men’s shoes
    Said ‘It’s a cheesy addiction’,
    with a hapless conviction
    ‘But I’m anxious to get in the news.’

  83. A woman who frequently stews
    As she struggles to harness her muse
    Says ‘There’s no use regretting
    all the time I spend fretting,
    Cutting onions disguises my blues’.

  84. Diane Groothuis says:

    Dear Sue
    A linguist confusedly stews
    If plural of haiku’s haikus
    It can’t be haikeep
    To make it like sheep
    But phonetically could be “hike ewes”.

  85. A fellow who likes to make stews
    Using chuck steak and horse meat and ewes
    Serves his hash on a raft
    With a micro-brew draft
    And he calls his place ‘Cruise, Booze, and Chews’

  86. Johanna Richmond says:

    Like many, I’m someone who stews
    When those Westboro snakes leave their pews.
    In the end, they’re too dumb
    To see acting like scum
    Reforms haters with higher IQ’s

  87. Johanna Richmond says:

    The CNN audience stews,
    Eyes glued to the words “Breaking News.”
    They’re faking us out,
    But I stare cuz no doubt
    They’ll get real just as soon as I snooze.

  88. yt cai says:

    The actor just stands there and stews
    Whenever the audience boos
    forgets what was wrote
    he just cannot emote
    Street corners are now his venues

  89. John Larkin says:

    A fellow who frequently stews
    was nursing a tender bruise.
    But he shouldn’t complain.
    He caused his own pain
    when he blacked from way too much booze.

  90. Diane Groothuis says:

    A pianist who liked to make stews
    Of scales and arpeggios and blues
    Said “I cannot afford
    To play a wrong chord
    Or my efforts will anger the Muse”.

  91. Kirk Miller says:

    At cook-offs, sot likes to make stews.
    He’ll win, but the fame he eschews.
    His recipe’s slicker
    Than most, has much liquor.
    He won’t care ’bout the cheers, just the booze.

  92. Kirk Miller says:

    A person who frequently stews
    Has emotions of several hues.
    Might be red in the face,
    But the biggest disgrace
    Is he always is singing the blues.

  93. Kirk Miller says:

    A person who frequently stews
    Has an attitude that he does choose.
    “Orange you happy?” I said,
    But his face just turned red
    ‘Cause he always is singing the blues.

  94. A woman who frequently stews,
    fell asleep to the ten o’clock news.
    She dozed for awhile,
    and found a big smile –
    her anger was finally diffused.

    These limerick-offs are a lot of fun!

  95. My Boston now constantly stews
    since some runners need fewer shoes.
    You call those lines wrong,
    I agree, but this song
    helps me survive the terrible blues.

  96. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who liked to make stews
    Took care in the meats she would use:
    “They’re not only dished in
    The homes of the Christian,
    But also the Moslems and Jews.”

  97. Dr. Goose says:

    A chef who was known for his stews
    Kept them secret, but offered some clues:
    “The key to the taste
    Of my new bouillabaisse
    May be coming from old Bailey’s booze.”

  98. Dr. Goose says:

    Firemen like to make stews
    To nourish their hard-working crews.
    In New York in Philly,
    They’re known for their chili,
    About which they tend to enthuse.

  99. Dr. Goose says:

    When my uncle was making his stews
    No ingredient would he refuse:
    “The question is not
    Just what’s in the pot,
    But more so the when, why and whose.”

  100. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 110.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Scenes.