Snappish Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was starting to snap…*

or

A woman was starting to snap…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Snappish Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was starting to snap
At a rude and obstreperous chap.
But his wife said, “Be wise.
Did you see that guy’s size?
He could give you a permanent nap.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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87 Responses to “Snappish Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Bob Kennedy says:

    A woman was trying to snap
    The front of her jeans; But a gap
    ‘Tween the right half and left
    Showed lamentable cleft!
    She had added degrees on her map.

  2. Sayan says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    ‘Coz of standing in the cold, but a map
    Saved his life when it covered him head to toe
    And thereby shielded him from the snow
    But his ear froze off because of some gap

  3. A youngster was trying to snap
    To capture the beat of his rap,
    But his snap had no flow
    So the youth had to go
    To his feet – what a quick-witted chap!

  4. A fellow was starting to snap
    He did not want to get a bad rap
    He was racking his brain!
    Would Madeleine Kane
    Allow him to use the word crap?

  5. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    A waitress spilled onto his lap
    She apologized
    He then realized
    How sweetness made him melt

    Hank

  6. A woman was trying to snap
    Herself out of a very long nap.
    In the midst of a dream
    She awoke with a scream
    When she gave her own face quite a slap.

  7. A fellow was trying to snap
    To help teach his pup not to yap.
    But much to his shame,
    No rapid sounds came,
    Except from the pooch in his lap!

  8. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    At a woman who gave him the clap
    Sweetie she said
    I’d sleep with the dead
    But instead I put up with your crap.

    A woman was starting to snap
    At a chap she sought to entrap
    She growled agitatedly
    When he arrived belatedly
    Then lay down and took a long nap.

  9. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was starting to snap,
    Thinking he had gotten the clap.
    Making him hiss
    Over his bit of bliss
    When it was just a flea on the poor chap

  10. scott says:

    A woman was starting to snap,
    the corkscrew was working like crap.
    Then hubby came in,
    and said with a grin,
    “Honey, just twist off the cap.”

  11. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    because she could not find a cap
    to fit her big head
    So what she did instead
    was to cover it all with a wrap.

  12. Poetesswug says:

    A fellow was starting to snap.
    Both his fingers and toes he would tap.
    His eyes became blurry,
    when the line wouldn’t hurry,
    and his blood pressure got a big zap.

  13. zongrik says:

    a homie was starting to snap
    a tune with a playful smart, rap
    weird hip-hop resulted
    a psychic consulted
    Tupac’s ghost caught him in a death-trap

  14. Pam Kadlec says:

    A puppy was trying to snap
    At a flea in the middle of his nap
    He contorted and twisted
    I stepped in and assisted
    With a scratch, he woke and gave me a lap.

  15. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow was trying to snap,
    While he clung to some pre-concieved crap.
    Roshi said with a groan:
    “No you ass, it’s a koan!
    There’s no sound to a one-handed clap.”

  16. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow was trying to snap
    The G-string of the gal on his lap.
    The bouncer said “Hey!
    Take your fingers away!
    She could give you a dose of the clap!”

  17. Daniel Ari says:

    Santorum is starting to snap.
    The pressures of pushing his pap
    have started him cursing
    the press, and the worst thing:
    he really believes his claptrap.

  18. Sally Franz says:

    A fellow was starting to snap,
    The wings of a dove as it napped.
    But try as he may
    the fowl got away
    and flipped him the bird while he flapped.

  19. Cameras are starting to snap,
    The audience rises to clap.
    My tenth bow! They’re still standing!
    Then I hear, “Sir? We’re landing,
    It’s time to wake up from your nap!” :(

  20. A dachshund was starting to snap
    At the cheese in a loaded mousetrap,
    When the spring went ‘KAPOW!’
    And that, friends, is how
    The pug first appeared on the map!

  21. Adura Ojo says:

    A women did not like the cold snap
    So she started to dance
    Attracted quite a glance
    Got herself in a flap
    When the camera went snap!

  22. A fellow was starting to snap
    at a guy who was dancing the rap
    in the subway he hopped
    going over the top
    and then stretched on the rails for a nap

  23. Tom Hale says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    Every time he got up from his nap
    From his toes to his top
    He would crackle and pop
    Not bad bones, he slept on bubble wrap

  24. Some of these are really funny. Loved yours and Claudia’s.
    I can never quite get my mind to do this rhythm.

  25. patience and the prodigal says:

    From Patience:

    A fellow was trying to snap
    On his Canon, his girlfriends mishap.
    He focused his lens,
    They are no longer friends,
    He thought it was just cradle-cap.

    And the Prodigal;

    A woman was trying to snap
    Up a bargain, a solid gold tap,
    For her bathroom, a spare,
    From her hubby a glare
    For brass she deserves a good slap.

  26. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    when he read in the Arts News, this pap:
    Some celeb bottom dweller
    ‘wrote’ a brand new best seller.
    He snarled, “Bet that the paper’s foolscap!”

  27. brian miller says:

    a fellow was starting to snap
    green beans for dinner but needed a nap
    snooze he did
    his work they hid
    in their bellies, the dogs were so hap-py

    haha

  28. As usual, an excellent limerick! And I learned a new word, ‘obstreperous’, whew!

  29. Hee hee, I especially loved the woman waking herself from a nap!!!!

  30. A fellow was starting to snap
    After snagging himself in a trap:
    He’d asked, “How are ya, dear?”
    And then lent her an ear
    For an endless assault from her yap.

  31. Daniel Ari says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    sexy pics of his girl in a cap.
    But when she got amorous,
    His response (most unglamorous):
    “I think I’ll just download the app.”

  32. A woman was starting to snap
    The strap on the back of her cap.
    She pulled it too tight
    And her ears squirted shite…
    Guess that proves that she WAS full of crap.

  33. Beginning:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    In a dull life that felt like a trap.
    “I’ll take me a bride,
    Who’ll remain by my side…
    Unless she’d rather ride in my lap!”

    Later:

    A fellow was starting to snap.
    His near future looked nothing but crap.
    He took on a wife
    To assist him in life…
    All he got out of that was the clap!

  34. Elaine Spall says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    ‘Cause she just could not undo the strap
    Sure, it gives a nice shape
    But my “girls” can’t escape
    This new bra, should be called “Booby Trap”

  35. A fellow was starting to snap
    At his wife who could not read a map.
    “How hard can it be
    Getting from A to B?
    There’s no need to get in such a flap!”

    A woman was starting to snap
    She could make head nor tails of the map.
    To her frustrated mate,
    She responded with hate…
    “I’ve had all I can take of this crap!”

  36. Patti says:

    A woman was starting to snap,
    Struggling hard to avoid a big flap.
    But if that kid didn’t stop
    Chewing gum with a pop
    She was going to give him a slap.

  37. Diane Groothuis says:

    A publican started to snap,
    When he had no more lager on tap,
    How can there be cheer,
    When the pub’s got no beer?
    And the wine around here is all crap.

  38. Veralynne says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    Due to secrets kept under his cap
    “If I spill ‘em I’m a loser!”
    So he became quite the boozer
    And lost anyway–what a trap.

  39. Veralynne says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    At the guy she was dating–a sap
    He had money, it’s true
    But he was boring as goo
    She couldn’t stand more of his crap.

    A private jet, a fancy car, and fine food
    Are okay for a while, but to be good,
    One’s chemistry and conversation
    Need to beat masturbation
    Or for another date one’s not in the mood!

  40. Veralynne says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    Up her garters and twirl on her wrap
    Then she slipped on her shoes
    And did up all her do’s
    When BOING! there went her bra strap!

  41. Daniel Ari says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    from her husband’s neglect of her lap.
    So she met him one night
    in a sheer and skin-tight
    sarong made of cellophane wrap.

  42. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    At musicians, “Your playing is crap,
    But I have a fixed date
    And this D V D’s late.
    It’s still crap but we’ll call it a wrap!”

  43. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was trying to snap
    The brim of his stylish golf cap.
    When a gust made it fly,
    “Oh, I’m glad,” said the guy,
    “That the cap and not me hit the trap!

  44. Craig says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    Putting up with the rude Nazi crap
    He knew they weren’t nice
    So he sang “Edelweiss”
    And took off with the family von Trapp.

  45. A fellow was trying to snap
    On the up beat and then tried to clap
    On the down beat but failed;
    His rhythm derailed
    As his snaps and his claps closed the gap.

  46. Said a woman who started to snap
    ‘Cause her baby would not take a nap
    I should remember protection
    When showing affection
    Or get me a Cervical Cap.

  47. Love these…my mind will not form a limerick…

  48. A fellow was starting to snap
    as he was moving a boatload of crap
    Said he to the watchman in charge
    you need a bigger barge
    or a slightly bigger lap

  49. Michelle Hed says:

    A Snappy Fellow

    A fellow was starting to snap,
    he’d been awoken from a nap.
    Screams and shouts, he thought fire,
    he figured things were dire!
    He arrived at the scene, oh crap!

    Fifteen girls playing video crap,
    fifteen girls with their mouths a gap.
    Then they started screaming,
    he wished he was dreaming
    instead of being a live, nude chap!

  50. Elaine Spall says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    Each failed diet left her feeling crap
    Can I reduce the size
    Of my hips, butt and thighs
    If I cover myself in shrink wrap?

  51. Elaine Spall says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    Lost in traffic, she started to flap
    Don’t know why I said yes
    To this new GPS
    Think it’s time to go back to a map

  52. Elaine Spall says:

    A fellow was trying to snap
    Into place, some new bait for a trap
    When he misplaced the crumbs
    All he caught were his thumbs
    And the mouse ran away with the scraps

  53. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    When she felt an electrical zap.
    It was then she recalled
    The reason she’s bald:
    Her “Wig-Not” electro-shock cap.

  54. I can not gain a rhyme to go with your limerick line
    I shall just say could I write this way I would take more of your time!

    You are ALL wonderfully talented love the limericks and the idea ty for sharing your talents!

  55. John Larkin says:

    A fellow was starting to snap,
    so he paused by taking a nap.
    And when he awoke,
    to himself he spoke,
    “I’m no longer hung up on crap.”

  56. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    His fingers and point to his lap
    When his wife snarled, “You lech,
    If you want me to fetch
    Like a dog, give me more than that scrap!”

  57. Diane Groothuis says:

    A teacher was starting to snap
    At a student who needed a rap
    On the knuckles for cheating
    She said “Now stop bleating
    And keep this all under your cap!”

  58. A lap-dancer started to snap
    and said to one eager chap,
    ‘Dude, if you please,
    just close up your knees.
    I’m not pole-dancer, but lap.’

  59. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    Because he was caught in a trap
    By a mad scientist’s wiles
    To create crocodiles
    Half human with his new iphone app

  60. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was trying to snap
    His pants to avoid a bad rap
    Cause the cop who was dressed
    Like a hooker confessed
    Her handcuffs were real, the poor sap.

  61. scott says:

    The people were starting to snap,
    from the large, ever-widening gap,
    ‘tween the left and the right,
    and the black and the white,
    in this social-political trap.

    More hatred as every day dawns.
    More dead on the streets and the lawns.
    Though the Kings in this game,
    set the chess board aflame,
    the first to get burnt are us pawns.

  62. Neal P says:

    A fellow was trying to snap
    the record for taking a crap
    He sat there for ages
    while flipping through pages
    (He held “War & Peace” in his lap)

  63. Neal P says:

    A dude was trying to snap
    the jaws of an old rusty trap
    He cursed, “Dammit!” and F*ck!”
    “This bastard is stuck.”
    Then WHAP! went the trap, “Holy Crap!”

  64. Sara McNulty says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    So he decided to take a short nap
    When he awoke
    He began to choke
    For he saw he pajama legs clap.
    ———————

    A woman was starting to snap
    The buttons from neckline to lap
    With no underwear on
    She knew her next john
    Would find a cinch to unwrap.
    ————————-

    A fellow was starting to snap
    His fingers while listening to rap
    But the trouble within him,
    He had no sense of rhythm
    And could find no help from an App.
    ———————–

    A woman was starting to snap
    The puzzle parts forming a map
    It did not take her long
    To she they were wrong
    For Iraq was portrayed as a gap.

  65. Diane Groothuis says:

    A juggler was starting to snap
    As he dropped all his balls in his lap
    If I drop them once more
    They will show me the door,
    The audience won’t even clap!

  66. Diane Groothuis says:

    A pilot was starting to snap
    As he desperately needed a crap
    If this thing hits bumps
    While I’m dropping some lumps
    Just parachute out through that flap.

  67. Linda H. says:

    A lady who started to snap
    the circles of some bubble wrap
    ended up with holes in her thigh.
    It was a reply in the blink of an eye
    from the cat that sat on her lap.

  68. Granny Smith says:

    Mitt Romney was starting to snap
    At the prez and his place on the map.
    “To you it’s not funny
    But I’ve got the money.
    I’ll just buy up where we overlap.”

  69. Rachael says:

    A fellow was starting to snap,
    The others beginning to clap;
    A girl they called Honey,
    She danced for their money
    Batting stray hands with a slap.

  70. Rachael says:

    A woman was starting to snap,
    The pea pile growing tall in her lap
    The kids bitched and moaned
    even the husband he groaned
    “Why do I have to eat that crap?”

  71. Diane Groothuis says:

    Madeleine started to snap
    As the tax man was causing a flap
    Creativity stifled and
    Bank accounts rifled
    On the whole he’s a negative chap.

  72. Granny Smith says:

    A senior was starting to snap
    His dislike of his I-pod’s new pap.
    “Benny Goodman, Kay Kyser -
    Oh, my choices were wiser.
    I agree, though: Kids got a bum rap!”

  73. Diane Groothuis says:

    Mickey Mouse started to snap
    When he injured his nose on a trap
    He said “If you please,
    Though I’m partial to cheese
    You’ve caused me a nasty mishap.”

  74. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was starting to snap.
    He’d prove to his boss, he’s no sap!
    So he called out Ed’s name,
    Shouting “Have you no shame?”
    As he yanked his young wife off Ed’s lap.

  75. Mark Kane says:

    An actress was trying to snap
    Her thighs closed, avoiding the clap.
    But liquor relaxed her,
    And soon he was in her.
    Before long she heard “It’s a Wrap!”

  76. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was starting to snap.
    After years of just taking her crap!
    So he dumped his cruel wife,
    And got on with his life,
    Declaring their marriage “A Wrap.”

  77. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    From frustration with his handicap.
    His scansion was awful,
    His rhymes were unlawful.
    What you need, my dear chap, is an ap.

  78. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was starting to snap.
    Mother Nature just gave him a zap.
    Which made this guy wonder
    Am I wise to fear thunder?
    Can lightning strike twice? (Thunderclap!)

  79. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was starting to snap.
    His hands were too long in his lap.
    He posed, like all men,
    This question in Zen:
    What sound from the one-handed clap?

  80. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow was starting to snap,
    Riding horses all over the map,
    Which made an old biddy
    Ask, “Did he get giddy?”
    Giddy? Yep. Giddy. Yep. Giddyap.

  81. Rich D says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    a butcher knife sat in his lap.
    A voice in his head
    said “you must make them dead”
    but another one said “no, that’s crap”

  82. Rich D says:

    A woman was starting to snap
    a bushel of beans in a trap
    She cooked them up yummy
    and so pleased her tummy
    She even pureed up the scrap

  83. Rich D says:

    A fellow was starting to snap
    When someone had planted a slap
    On the side of his face
    Where it left a red place
    That looked like a town on a map

  84. Veralynne says:

    A woman was starting to snap.
    Another false positive PAP!
    After doc’s tenth exploration,
    Her one exhortation:
    “This foreshadows Repuglicans’ crap!”

  85. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 57.

    But you can still have some limerick-writing fun. How? A new Limerick-Off has already begun: Woebegone Limerick.

  86. Jannpoet says:

    A Woman was starting to snap
    She’d had quite enough of his crap!
    When he told her to chill
    she said “Go take a pill”
    He shut up and that sorted that.