Brooding Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who tended to brood…*
or
A fellow who tended to brood…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Brooding Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who tended to brood
Was spotted outdoors in the nude.
“I’d forgotten to dress,”
She explained to the press,
Who depressed her by calling her “dude.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Behavior Humor, Limerick Contest, Mood Humor, Nudity, Personality Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow who tended to brood
Found himself in a very good mood!
After a shit, shower and shave
He was hot to misbehave
But at the bar, with a girl, he turned prude.
A woman who tended to brood,
Found respite in things that were lewd.
With her porn flicks and books
She kept to her nooks,
Both’ring no one in her neighborhood.
A woman who tended to brood
Thought no one ever understood!
Melancholy persists
As she tried to desist,
She thought grasping few signs of Good.
Ms. Medeleine, hope it’s not you:
A woman who tended to brood
Could never become a rude.
Confined herself in her room
Thought of holding a broom
To clear up everything crude
A fellow who tended to brood
And wished that everyone should
Be there to cheer him up
In searching the lost pup
That’ll really do him good.
Now with a positive thinking:
A poor fellow tended to brood
Over his past, thought he would
Bring a smile on his face.
That may, in any case,
Be helpful to do him good.
I wrote this before reading yours, Madeleine…
A fellow who tended to brood
On shedding his image as ‘prude’
Stopped wearing his clothes
Saying “It’s okay I suppose”
To be a subdued nude dude!”
A woman who tended to brood
Who, misery and woe, did exude
Went to a quack
Who brought her to track
Now she cracks jokes all lewd and crude!
A woman who tended to brood
On anything sexy or nude.
Would slam shut a book
Saying ‘I cannot look
At anything crude, rude or lewd!’
A woman who tended to brood
Danced for her boyfriends quite nude.
What a happy delight
They thought they just might
Set about to changing her mood.
A fellow who tended to brood
Came home one night rather stewed
His wife made him sleep
On the floor for a week
Then go without for a month sorry dude.
A fellow who tended to brood
Had the notion to start up a feud.
Soon his lust for vendetta
Outclassed operetta
For plots that were petty, but skewed.
A fellow who tended to brood
Did something most found crude
Getting himself hauled away
For such a display
FYI never fart on another dude
a woman who tended to brood
raised chickens, her favourite food,
till one night, Freddie fox,
slipped into her box,
and gobbled her pullits, then poo’d.
A fellow who tended to brood
Checked the price of a barrell of crude,
“To the devil and hell
with Exxon and Shell”,
For the rest of his life he canoed!
A fellow who tended to brood
Said his mood, it had been misconstrued
“I’m all better, my dear,
“After drinking some beer,
“The cure, it turns out, was brewed!”
A woman who tended to brood,
is appalled at the way she is viewed.
But she will remember,
on the 6th of November,
and the Misogynists will be screwed.
A woman who really tended to brood,
Believed that her man was pretty rude.
Despite all his charm
He did himself harm
When he did not thank her, after they screwed.
A professional who tended to brood
Thought he might feel better tattooed
He walked in with a frown
Had it turned upside down
As a “permanent” clown, he’s screwed!
A woman who tended to brood
Wrote lim’ricks, some cute and some crude,
But most were just long
And she put them to song
Which ruined EV’RYONE’s mood!
A fellow who tended to brood
On the fact he was never tattooed
Thought bodily art
Should cover each part.
(Except for the private ones, dude!)
I read out your limerick to hubby who laughed heartily :O)
A biker who tended to brood
Had this chick with the same attitude
She said…”Having your kid was no fun
But you got what you wanted…a son
And the little shit’s already tatooed.”
A fella who tended to brood
because he was never tattooed
went to visit an artist
who wasn’t the smartest:
‘LUCK’ ended up ‘LICK’ (multi-hued.)
A fella who tended to brood
on affairs of the heart, did conclude
that perhaps if he tried
a somnambulant bride
she would not run away when pursued.
A fellow who tended to brood,
was not in a very good mood.
‘Cuz Duke and Missouri,
went down in a hurry.
And now my damned bracket is screwed!
A fellow who tended to brood,
Who wanted to tan in the nude,
Found a place with two docks
But just one allowed ,
One’s Quay Prude and the other’s Quay Lewd.
A woman who tended to brood,
Took her bicycle’s wheels to be trued.
“I just need a rim job,”
She complained to Jim Bob,
Which the handsome young hunk misconstrued.
(sorry- had to purge.)
a woman who tended to brood
was always then in a bad mood
her husband said please
while down on his knees
a posture he too often rued
a woman who tended to brood
was often heard being quite rude
to him who had fathered
and then never bothered
about the twelve young in their brood
a husband who tended to brood
re how his wife liked to be shoed
a pair in each color
and none of them duller
than vibrantly, brilliantly hued
A fellow who tended to brood,
Had a lap dancer try something lewd,
But the clumsy young stripper
Snagged his thing in his zipper –
It, needless to say, killed the mood.
A poor fellow who tended to brood,
Went a-huntin’ to find him some food
Saw some deer and so, yup,
Took the shot and soon up
From the ground came a bubblin’ crude.
(Oil, that is … black gold … Texas tea …)
A woman who tended to brood
Found a drink or two lightened her mood
She became quite elated,
But it soon dissipated.
She, seven drinks later, was stewed.
A fellow who tended to brood
Sat in the corner and stewed
He knew that he cheated
Was caught and defeated
The jail cell, home now for the dude!
A woman who tended to brood
While pacing about in the nude,
Was once ago caught
While lost in a thought
Where she certainly ought not be viewed.
A fellow who tended to brood
On the right to be seen in the nude
Appealed to the court
With no briefs in support,
So they didn’t know what to conclude.
A fellow who tended to brood
found himself in a very good mood;
“What’s the reason for this?”
he asked a young miss
She said, “The music, an etude”
A fellow was tending to brood
On a barstool while getting quite stewed.
When asked where the lass
Went who had the great ass
He said sadly “turns out she’s a dude.”
A woman who tended to brood,
Whenever she couldn’t be nude,
Stripped down to the bone
Outside on the phone
As street life took on a new mood.
That’s hilarious!
A woman who tended to brood,
Detest those dudes that intrude
Have my wants
And some fun
Must be smart to detect my mood
Hank
A fellow who tended to brood
On the difference twixt dude and subdued
Was told not to sweat it
In fact, to forget it.
For you, no dissimilitude.
A woman who tended to brood
On the fact that most waiters were rude
Was told to be hip
By increasing her tip–
To Insure (get it, dear) Promptitude.
A woman who tended to brood
When she heard the ideas of Likud
Said, My song may be sad
But I won’t make it bad.
I’ll just keep on singing “Hey Jude.”
Said a woman who tended to brood
On the fact that she never was wooed
“I’ll just copy and paste
Some web porn.” (Bad taste!)
And that’s when she came–all unglued.
Sighed a French hen, who tended to brood,
“Zee quiet life I’ve long since adieu’d.
“Till zat randy new rooster
“Arrived, a gal used ter
“Live in magnifique désuétude!”
Santorum has tended to brood
On banning behavior that’s lewd –
If I am elected
Guys won’t get erected
By pictures of girls in the nude.
Slightly tweaked version to replace earlier post …
A lim’ricker who tended to brood
Sobbed, “My endings are simply no good!
“While my lines 1 thru 4
“Evoke loud cries of ‘More!’
“My line 5’s then suck, and get boo’ed.” :(
A woman who tended to brood,
had a life long battle with food.
She liked to eat sweets,
while between the sheets –
her husband was seldom in the mood.
A woman who tended to brood
Got mad when her husband was rude
He said, “You’ve gained weight,
Your body I hate
So I just can’t get in the mood!”
A woman who tended her brood,
Followed hens who had eggs to extrude.
When a randy old rooster
Ran up and then goosed her,
She cried, “What a foul interlude!”
A fellow who tended to brood
stewed all the while he canoed
From morning ’til dark,
Lewis told Clark:
“Really! I’m not in the mood.”
[Historical note: It is suspected that Meriwether Lewis later committed suicide at Grinder’s Stand, Tenn.]
a mare I owned tended to brood
whenever she had to get shooed
she kicked, bucked and fussed
the farrier just cussed
as she trotted to eat up her food
for picture that goes with this see
brood mare limerick
A woman who tended to brood
Wore her hair in a trend-setting snood.
She knew it was chancy
To be fancy schmancy,
For people would think she was stewed.
A fellow who tended to brood
Was often considered quite rude
But it was all just a sham
He was a Brando-a-gram
Though his offers were always refused
A woman who tended to brood
was labeled by all as a prude.
But, one day she forgot;
at the dock on a yacht
she sat on the deck in the nude.
A woman who tended to brood
Met up with a good looking dude
So desperate and needy
Put out super speedy
And screamed “fourteen kids” as they screwed.
A woman who tended to brood
Even covered her face in a snood.
So depressed was she,
So little could she see,
She walked right out the door in the nude.
(Except for the snood.
So now she was screwed…
For being lewd.
Her neighbors? Unglued!
Except one–he was stewed;
That’s okay, he was crude.
SHE was a prude!
Her neighbors weren’t rude,
They let her exude
Confidence as she accrued
Eyes, mostly blued,
As she tried to conclude
Her aimless walk, imbued
With senseless talk, askewed,
Desperately seeking an etude
That just wouldn’t protrude
From her silly attitude
Unless she’d allude
To that she wished to elude
So she went back home for food.)
Whew! I couldn’t escape! The great magnitude…………………………
A writer who tended to brood,
Metaphorical ineptitude,
Wrote self-loathsome stories
With deep allegories
Which lacked verisimilitude.
A woman who tended to brood,
had many who thought she was rude.
Seeing her expressions like wood,
they just misunderstood
her deep thought and ‘don’t care’ attitude.
A woman who tended to brood
Tried to shake her terrible mood
She drank and she spat
She ate herself fat
Then wondered why sorrow ensued
A woman who tended to brood
Said ” Dear I am not in the mood.
Your member is small
Not three inches tall”
Now wonders why no sex ensued.
Haven’t done one, but yours is so clever Madeleine. K.
A woman who tended to brood,
Heard some jokes but her lips remained glued,
She was asked “Why so wry?”
Here’s her sullen reply:
“When I smile then my teeth, they protrude.
A woman who tended to brood
played saturdays always the flute
and sundays she danced
bewitched and entranced
in the happiest weekend mood
hahah…oh my goodness… i saw you’re doing limericks on thursday at dVerse…this is going to be funny…great having you in the pub m.
A woman who tended to brood
Over things that time would occlude
Climbed up the stair
Fixed up her hair
Donned bikini to get newly tattooed
A woman who tended to brood
That she’d never have enough food
Weighed three hundred pounds,
Most of it Mounds
Which she wolfed down but failed to include.
A woman who tended to brood
That she had never been wooed
Met a much younger man
A flash in the pan
But a torrid affair did ensue.
A woman who tended to brood
was a busybody and prude
`twas gossip she spread
`bout the living and dead
While she danced `round her house in the nude.
a fellow who tends to brood
often gets extremely rude
bites off heads
in flower beds
leaving stems that are rather crude
A woman who tended her brood
of nineteen said, “It’s all attitude:
I could have twenty-five,
and it’s all because I’ve
never said that I’m not in the mood!”
A woman who tended to brood
Started ev’ry day in a bad mood
Hubby’d tickle her fancy
She’d perk up, get antsy.
Breakfast? Anything but subdued!
Said a fellow who tended to brood,
“I really don’t mean to be lewd,
but if the Right wins,
and legislates against “sins”,
I swear we will truly be screwed.”
A fellow who tended to brood
was locked in a family feud
He worshiped his mother,
but so did his brother
with passion at times misconstrued
A fellow who tended to brood
wanted soil for raising his food.
He sneaked into cowherds
to gather the cow turds.
For this he was often pooh-poohed.
A fellow who tended to brood,
by a woman routinely pursued,
could muster no woo.
When she said, “I love you,”
he looked in her eyes and went, “Duuuude.”
Slight revision for the sake of the meter and punctuation:
Said a fellow who tended to brood,
“I really don’t mean to be lewd,
but if the Right wins,
passing laws against ‘sins’,
I swear we will truly be screwed.”
A woman who tended to brood
turned up at our church in the nude.
She belted sea shanties
then auctioned her panties,
convincing us all she was stewed.
.
A fellow who tended to brood
walked in on his boss in the nude.
His timing was right
for her carnal delight–
though he didn’t intend to intrude.
A woman who tended to brood
Over lines that she meant to include
Said, “Three is just fine
And Four’s a good line
But Line Five is sure to be booed.”
A woman who tended to brood
Having never once Honolulu’d
Said, “What’s on my bucket
List is not Pawtucket
But places where leis will be strewed.”
A woman who tended to brood
On her life had the sense to conclude:
Hey, if this is the best
I can hope for, I’m blessed
Or, rather more likely, I’m screwed.
A woman who tended to brood
On words just like ‘nude,’ ‘lewd’ and ‘rude’
Thought the rhymes were too easy
Which made her feel queasy
So she just spent the day getting screwed.
Vowed a gal who tended to brood
“I’m changing my old attitude!
“No more to-ing, then fro-ing!
“That’s the wrong way of going!” …
… and thenceforth, she fro’ed, and then to’ed.
A fellow who tended to brood
And always was wearing a hood
Was asked, “Are you a monk?”
“No, I’m just in a funk.
My lim’ricks are simply no good.”
A woman who tended to brood
Took a pill that uplifted her mood
And left her concluding
That all of her brooding
Had been not just pointless, but rude.
A fellow who tended to brood
Said, “I’d be far more cheerful if you’d
Eat poison and die.
You’re a tasteful young guy,
And the maggots could use some good food.”
A woman who tended to brood
Took a pill that uplifted her mood
And left her concluding
That all of her brooding
Had been not just pointless, but rude.
A woman who tended a brood
Of pigeons who warbled and cooed,
Killed one and fried it,
But after she tried it,
Remarked, “This would taste better stewed.”
A actor who tended to brood
When an audience, she felt, was rude,
Said, “Maybe the play
Wasn’t perfect, but hey,
A lawsuit? They should have just booed.”
A fellow who tended to brood
When a lion considered him food,
Declared, “I’m so sorry
To leave your safari,
But lions are best when eschewed.”
A fellow who tended to brood
On the best definition of “lewd”
Said, “It’s far more that flirty,
But not always dirty.
It’s ribald, but need not be crude.”
A woman who tended to brood
Met a fellow who shared the same mood.
They wound up in bed.
As one of them said,
“We might as well screw, since we’re screwed.”
A woman who tended to brood
Said, “These poll numbers make me conclude
We’re heading for doom,
Armegeddon and gloom.
Let’s hope that the numbers are skewed.”
A fellow who tended to brood
Said, “Stapled or nailed shut or glued
Would suit your lips fine,
But I draw the line
At open — I hope that’s not rude.”
Said a fellow who tended to brood
On the limericks that Schechter accrued:
Oh please, make him stop
‘Cause my head’s going to pop
And I don’t have another Quaalude!
Said a fellow who tended to brood
On the “Stand your ground” Law attitude,
Do not stand; do not run;
And make sure you’re the one
Who pursues and is not thus pursued.
A woman who tended to brood,
Was incensed when a cad called her rude,
She said, “Listen mate,
Let’s get one thing straight!
Your bad manners trump my attitude!”
a fellow who tended a brood
(of birds that just hatched I conclude)
decided they’d want
to eat a croissant
and now they all sing very rude.
A lawyer who tended to brood
Every time his client was sued
Forgot how he was paid
Of losing he was afraid
And winning his fear did preclude
First timer here. Playing in your limerick sandbox on dVerse was so much fun, I’m back for more.
A woman who tended to brood
Often got a bee in her snood
It buzzed ’round her brain
Drove her wildly insane
‘Til finally one day she…KABOOM!
A woman who tended to brood
Met a man who was far from a prude.
She abandoned her stewing
When he whispered while wooing
“Why eat sponge when you crave devil’s food?”
A fellow who tended to brood
When his wife said his farting was rude
Wreaked his vengeance one night
Through sheer sphinctoral might:
In the form of a Chopin etude.
A woman who tended to brood,
Heard a “good” friend say she was rude,
“Kiss my Ass You Freak”
She said in a streak,
And now they all think she’s just lewd!
A fellow who tended to brood,
Cuz his wife never seemed “in the mood,”
He’d say “lady let’s f*ck,
Time to please this old buck.”
Perhaps if he wasn’t so crude?
A server who tended to brood
At parties where rich folk were rude
Flashed a vertical smile
The invitees found vile;
Now the host with the mostest is screwed.
Tiger’s wife, Elin, tended to brood
When she saw pics of his bimbos nude
She said…”No need to drive into a tree
Ninety million will set you free”
Now his sign says…”Will play for food”
Thanks so much everyone for your entertaining limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over.
And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 54.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has already begun: Uptight Limerick.