Mad Gift Giving Guide
Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing.
And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn’t buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it’s on sale.
But there is a cure for the holiday gift blues. Just substitute this agreement for those subtle hints — the ones that are always either missed or misconstrued. Then kiss that Returns Counter good-bye. This year’s gifts are for keeps.
AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife, hereafter called “Couple.”
WHEREAS, Couple often argues over ill-chosen gifts; and
WHEREAS, a gift giving agreement may save Couple’s marriage and/or reduce return trips to the mall.
NOW, THEREFORE, Couple hereby agrees to these provisions:
GIFTS FOR WIFE:
1. Self-serving gifts shall be avoided. For example, Husband shall not buy Wife the following:
a. Chocolate when Wife is on a diet.
b. Tight clothing meant to encourage Wife to diet.
c. Anything transparent.
2. Husband shall not give Wife practical gifts such as an iron, a dish washer, or a vacuum cleaner… unless husband plans to use them. … (My Mad Gift Giving Guide is continued here.)
Technorati Tags: Christmas Gift Humor, Gift Giving, Husband-Wife Humor, Holiday Fun, Holiday Gifts, Funny Contracts
December 5th, 2006 at 7:21 am
OK, felony violator here. (smile) Hysterical. How in the world do you keep coming up with this stuff?!! Enjoying your blog quite a bit.
December 5th, 2006 at 4:14 pm
Thanks, Bob — with great difficulty. I’m enjoying your blog as well. Congrats once again on your spanking new Carnival of Humor!
December 7th, 2006 at 10:18 am
The Carnival of Satire (#58)…
Welcome to this politics-free edition of the Carnival of Satire. This week’s carnival also features many new voices to our weekly festival of irony. We hope you enjoy it!
Bad news if you’re mantra includes an Om™. YogaDawg has just le…
December 8th, 2006 at 12:08 am
This was just what I needed to read before the husband and I exchange wish lists! THANK YOU!!
December 10th, 2006 at 12:15 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
December 11th, 2006 at 8:55 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane shares her Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. What a list! I might add that neither spouse will purchase a breathing gift without the other’s consent… what would you add? [...]
December 11th, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Too funny. I do like practical gifts, but only the ones I ask for. :) Don’t give me a hint by buying me an iron! It is always nice to recieve something personal with the practical too though!
December 11th, 2006 at 6:06 pm
Thanks, Stephanie!
December 13th, 2006 at 11:33 pm
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December 14th, 2006 at 1:56 am
I got a kick out of this. But then, I’m a guy who watched his dad buy his mom a table saw for Christmas while she bought him kitchen appliances . . .
December 14th, 2006 at 2:52 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
December 18th, 2006 at 1:24 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
December 20th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
[...] Speaking of getting stuffed… Madeleine Kane at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog has whipped up another helpful marital agreement, this time concerning the exchange of gifts that don’t suck. [...]
December 23rd, 2006 at 11:24 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
December 23rd, 2006 at 8:45 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Carnival of Shopping #7…
At the risk of spurring an SEC investigation, I always back-date my New Year’s resolutions, so as we begin 2007, I’m happy to announce that I have acheived my 2006 goals of not losing any weight, not riding a bike……
January 8th, 2007 at 2:50 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Mad Gift Giving Guide posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]