Office Party Follies
There are few “fun” activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape.
Every year you fantasize about sending an RSVP marked “Thanks, but no thanks.” Then you return to reality and break the news to your spouse. “It’ll be different this time,” you lie. “It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll go to yours, if you’ll go to mine,” your mate responds. “And you have to promise to behave.”
This brings us to the art of gaffe avoidance. After all, who isn’t but one faux pas from the unemployment line? Dodging the pitfalls of office party protocol can be a daunting challenge. But with the help of this agreement, you’ll survive yet another function with your job intact.
AGREEMENT entered into on ____________, by Husband and Wife (collectively referred to as “Couple”).
WHEREAS, Couple’s employers suffer from the delusion that Office Christmas Parties are good for morale;
WHEREAS, Couple, being sane individuals, would prefer to stay home; and
WHEREAS, although Couple can’t prove a connection, everyone who skipped last year’s bash is now unemployed; … ” (Office Party Follies is continued here.)
Technorati Tags: Christmas Party Humor, Husband-Wife Humor, Holiday Fun, Office Holiday Parties, Funny Contracts
November 6th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Excellent guidelines! Fortunately for my husband, I am the owner and sole employee of my company, so pretty much anything goes at that party! :P
November 6th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
LOL! And thanks Jenny!
November 7th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
What is the minimum permissible height difference to justify referring to one’s wife as “the little woman”?
Say you’re Abe Lincoln, at 6′4″, married to Mary Todd, a wisp of a woman at 5′2″ or so. Would history look askance if you call Mary the little woman?
November 7th, 2006 at 11:39 pm
Hey, watch it pal! I’m five foot zero and nobody’s ever dared call me the little woman. As for Mary Todd, I recommend, “the petite woman.”
November 8th, 2006 at 12:01 am
Mary will be mad no matter what you call her.
November 8th, 2006 at 12:09 am
LOL! I could have sworn that I was the Mad one.
November 8th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
I’ve always maintained that if employees were offered the option of $50 or $100 instead of the big holiday party, 99.99% would take the cash. Actually, 99% would take $5 or $10 or NOTHING. When I was in high-school, my friends and I came up with the term “obligatory fun” for a lot of the events and “treats” that the nuns cooked up and that we were forced to attend. One time it was a Mario Lanza movie, and the nuns got pissed because we didn’t cheer! Company holiday parties are much the same.
November 8th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
I’m with you Maureen. I’ll take the cash instead. But even better, just don’t make me go!
November 9th, 2006 at 12:03 am
Actually, I want to amend my comment. Most people I know would actually PAY not to have to go to the company party.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
What’s the hardest for me is that my husband works for this huge company so at the Christmas party there are 500 names I’m supposed to remember, all attached to people I only see once a year. It’s so embarrassing to introduce myself to someone only to have them drily say that they met me last year. Great. Just great.
November 11th, 2006 at 1:06 am
I’m with you. Names are my downfall. Thanks for your comment!
November 23rd, 2006 at 9:11 am
The Carnival of Satire (#56)…
Happy Yanksgiving to everyone south of the (CAN-US) border. If we were giving thanks today, it would be for all this fine collection of satire:
Fans of House (the doctor show) and those bewildered by literary theory will both enjoy The Little Profes…
November 26th, 2006 at 8:45 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Office Party Follies posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, saying, “If you plan to attend an holiday office party with your spouse or significant other, this “contract” might come in handy.” [...]
November 27th, 2006 at 1:53 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Office Party Follies posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog [...]
November 29th, 2006 at 12:35 am
Carnival of the Vanities #219: The Thanksgiving Edition…
Hello and welcome to the Carnival of the Vanities. This week’s 219th edition bears a Thanksgiving theme, even though Thanksgiving has come and gone. I personally feel that thanks is something we should give all through the year. One thing……
November 29th, 2006 at 10:05 am
[...] Patricia presents How To Develop An Attitude Of Gratitude Madeleine Begun Kane presents Office Party Follies Milo Paulo presents One Major Mistake When Reporting a Problem to Superiors Noel Kuhlman presents Weird Self-Help Techniques Erik Halvorssen presents The Impulse Kavit’s Letters presents Thoughts and Musings. Emmanuel presents Inspiring Excellence, Realising Ambitions David presents How to Turn Paralysis into Action: Just Do It Tabs presents Protect Yourself from the Verbal Assault / Mental Abuse of Well-Meaning People Alvaro Fernandez presents Enhancing Trader Performance and The Psychology of Trading Maria Yu presents Loneliness and Solitude. Tero Miettunen presents Defining your purpose in life David Maister presents BusinessWeek Editor speaks! Brandon Peele presents Themes Which Govern Man Paul presents How to deal with information overload Ian Welsh presents Career Development Confusion? Listen to this! Christine Kane presents Why Gratitude Makes You Happier and Wealthier [...]
November 29th, 2006 at 5:23 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Office Party Follies posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
December 7th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane discusses Office Party Follies at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, with a helpful little pre-party marital agreement. [...]
December 10th, 2006 at 2:32 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents Office Party Follies posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, saying, “If you’re stuck going to an office party, this “contract” may come in handy.” [...]
December 12th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Carnival of Powerful Living - December 12, 2006…
Welcome to the December 12, 2006 edition of the Carnival of Powerful Living! Honestly guys, I can’t keep up with the response. There are simply too many entries to read. Starting next week, I’m going to be posting the Carnival of Powerful …
December 18th, 2006 at 2:13 pm
This piece is now featured at Bah! Humbug!
http://bah-humbug.blogspot.com/2006/12/carnival-of-hijacked-holidays-iv.html
Thanks for your submission!