De-Stress Or Distress?
Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? Here’s what not to do:
1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath. Wonder if that smell is gas.
2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove.
3. Resume the position. Resume breathing. Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling.
4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.
5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r…E.x.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels which remind you of heaven which reminds you of hell which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else. … De-Stress Or Distress is continued here.)
Technorati Tags: New Age, Health Humor, Mental Health, Stress Humor, Relaxation Humor, Tension Humor, How-To Humor, New Age Humor, Meditation Humor, Holistic Humor, Self-Help Humor, Aromatherapy Humor
August 26th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
Carnival of Healing #50: String Cheese…
Hey everyone - it is carnival day!! The Carnival of Healing is a weekly round-up of personal Web sites and blogs on the topics of holistic health, wellness, spirituality, and self empowerment.The Carnival of Healing is celebrating its 50th edition…….
August 27th, 2006 at 4:18 am
The Personal Development Carnival - August 27, 2006…
Welcome to this week’s edition of the Personal Development Carnival!
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Andrew Leahey at leahey.org presents How to quit any habit.
Conn Stell presents Genuine Desires – how to use them to Succeed, posted at Personal Growth - achieve excel…
August 31st, 2006 at 10:18 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, saying, “Humorous how-to about relaxation techniques” [...]
September 15th, 2006 at 7:09 pm
[...] Michael presents Google Reader: For Those Ahead of the Curve posted at Empowering People Through Information Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
October 17th, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Personal Growth Carnival - A New Record!…
Well another record this week for the Personal Growth Carnival. We had 38 submissions which is almost twice what we’ve gotten in the past.
Some writers submit more than one article, so I left in the one that I feel is their best work. Also, I’m ….
October 24th, 2006 at 9:28 am
[...] Personal Growth Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? Beverly Keaton Smith presents Finding Peace Through Forgiveness Jane Chin presents Many Dimensions of Money Erek Ostrowski presents Facing the Unknown Alexander Becker presents WOW: How to Avoid Misunderstandings Wenchypoo presents Memo to Old-Line Feminists Debra Moorhead presents The Power of a Smile supermom_in_ny presents I Was Sinking Jeff presents The Shaman in the Mirror David Maister presents How Did You Lose Your Innocence? Nelly Nandes presents The Strength of Weakness Patricia presents Waiting on a Biopsy: How to Handle Uncertainty Bill Losapio presents Drawing Inspiration in Uncertain Times Patricia presents Car Accidents: Will You Make It Home Today? Jack Yoest presents 9 Tips for Interviewers Chris presents How to be Cooler Coping with Nervousness Edward Mills presents Technology and Personal Growth - Holosync Solution Nneka presents Positive Speaking Peter Kua presents Why white elephants reign in office Brandon Peele presents Why get an MBA? [...]
December 26th, 2006 at 12:51 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
December 30th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Blog Community Bloggers Carnival Today…
It pleases me to be able to end the year with such a grand selection of posts here at the third Blog Community Bloggers Carnival.
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Laura Young presents The Path is Made by Walking: Insight is Optional posted at Dragon Slayer, saying, Planning o…
January 15th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
January 20th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
[...] Humor- Looking for what not to do when your anxiety and stress levels are high? Check out Madeleine Begun Kane’s article called De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. She outlines the saga of trying to relax in a humorus way. Sometimes laughter is the best cure! « Previous post [...]
January 22nd, 2007 at 6:52 am
All Things Medical…
Welcome to the January 2007 edition of All things medical.
The winter is midway already and a lot of people are looking for health information on-line. Let’s look at our carnival.
Lisa Mitchell presents Pregnancy Complications - Gestational Dia…
February 4th, 2007 at 11:48 am
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
March 16th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
July 2nd, 2007 at 4:05 pm
[...] Madeleine Begun Kane presents De-Stress Or Distress? posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. [...]
May 27th, 2008 at 7:04 am
I found your site on Blog Carnival. Nice site you have here. We could all use more humor in our lives. Thanks for the chuckle. :)
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